Posts in category "UK"

Another article in this occasional (and extremely popular) series.

Sorry about my homework, Sir. I have actually finished my 1500 word essay on the Black Death but when I went to print my work out last night, the folder called 'My Documents' was locked.

At first I thought my Dad was playing another of his funny, little tricks so I screamed down the stairs 'DAD - WHY ARE YOU SO ANNOYING ?'. Then I had to wait because he was watching 'The shirts of 66' and could not be disturbed.

Then my Dad had a look and couldn't get my Word document either. He muttered darkly about some hacker who had somehow accessed our PC despite him having paid good money for Norton Internet Security (which was a load of rubbish and would be going back to Dixons for a full refund tomorrow) and supposedly locking down our wireless network so securely that my Mum can no longer use it.

I summoned up the courage and asked him whether he actually could get my homework back because he works in IT and he once told me he was a 'consultant'. Or should I just start typing now.

He replied 'Hang on a minute, son. I have just found a file named 'INSTRUCTIONS HOW TO GET YOUR FILES BACK' that might be relevant'. Then he went a funny colour and shouted at the screen: 'Virus...Hackers...Ransom...Archiveus...Russian drug mafia'

Apparently, he could have got the file back but is too mean to pay the 5,000 dollar ransom demanded by the Russian hackers just for my essay on the Black Death.

So, you see, Sir that is why I haven't done my homework. I know it sounds a little far fetched but it's true.'

'Sorry. Brightside. Please stop telling lies. Detention tonight after school and I'll be speaking to your parents.'

I went to see the Da Vinci Code last night.

Unfortunately, I didnt actually get to see the film as there was a massive protest organised by the Catholic Church outside the cinema.

BBC News 24 mistakenly interviewed the wrong man about music downloads. The original news story was funny enough but the actual footage (his face at the start of the interview) is absolutely hilarious.

I sincerely hope the BBC reward this gentleman with the job he was applying for.

I dearly wish I had not opened a newspaper this weekend.

The image of John Prescott receiving sexual gratification from his secretary, while simultaneously reviewing a Whitepaper on the environment, is one I am desperately trying to expunge from my consciousness.

I have started a book club. I am the only member. I realise that this is a little unusual but I prefer to choose the books myself rather than someone else (or even worse, the Daily Mail).

I held my first meeting last night which was very well attended by all members. Norman gave a fascinating review of 'Into Thin Air' by Jon Krakauer. This book was written by a journalist and experienced climber who took part in a commercial, guided expedition to climb Mount Everest in May 1996. After reaching the summit, bad weather struck resulting in the death of eight climbers from three different expeditions.

Interestingly, although the author achieved his goal and succeeded in reaching the summit (shortly before the storm struck), there is hardly any euphoria or pleasure only the grim realisation that he is half way there, the descent is dangerous and his physical condition is deteriorating fast with the demands of the high altitude and the lack of oxygen.

Even though I am not a climber - in fact, I don't really like heights (I once had to be assisted from the Capilano Suspension Bridge in Vancouver by two ten year olds) - I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It was well written and compulsive reading. The story of the expedition unfolding, the ascent, the mix of characters and the personal and honest account of the ultimate series of tragic events is very sad and truly mesmerising.

I am lazy. I buy my gas from British Gas and my electricity from Seeboard. It takes a lot for me to overcome my inertia and change provider to save money.

However, I am interested in Carphone Warehouse's offer of 8M/bit broadband, unlimited UK landline and international (28 countries including Australia) calls, all for 21 GBP per month.

This is much less than I am currently paying Telewest for an inferior package of telephone and broadband services.

The only downside I can see is that the contract is for 18 months. Obviously a lot depends on the quality of service Carphone Warehouse can provide to this influx of new subscribers but worth keeping an eye on.

PS. Well I was interested but I just entered my phone number and postcode to be told 'Your telephone number is not on a BT exchange so we can't offer you TalkTalk'.

So that is why Carphone Warehouse can only offer coverage to 70% of the UK.

Absolutely no-one has ever asked me: Norman - why dont you start a photo blog of all these interesting places you visit ?

So here we go. No. 1 in a very occasional series.

The Sage Gateshead in Newcastle (from the Tyne Bridge)

You start to feel small and insignificant. [ Via Populicious ]

This may be contrary to corporate blogging guidelines but still...

Just had the formal feedback from my annual review and it is excellent news.

Seeboard - monthly bill down to £38 (down from £60) per month.

Yes. It is an 0800 number which is free. However, there is a charge of 10p per minute

Newcastle Hilton Hotel.