Manchester, near England - Wednesday 5 January 2011
The footballing world was left reeling yesterday at shock news
emanating from Manchester Citys training facility at Carrington. A
local man, Frank Booth explains: 'I always pass the City training
ground on my way to work so I always check out the players going
through their drills. Yesterday I was quite shocked to see all the
players smiling and laughing. I couldn't believe my eyes so I stopped
for a closer look.
'The senior players appeared to be discussing the presents they had
received at Christmas. Emmanuel Adebayor was sporting a lovely Inter
Milan shirt and Carlos Tevez was passing around some Braun hair
straighteners. All of this just two days before a crucial top of the
table clash away at Arsenal that could decide the destiny of the
league title and end 35 years of hurt. The Italian manager, Mancini,
was no better and appeared to be trying to place a Christmas Angel on
top of Yaya Toure's head using a small, portable step ladder. For a
laugh, each squad player had given Mancini an identical pale blue and
white City scarf so he was attempting to wear all 23 scarves at once.'
Roberto Mancini attempted to justify this unexpected outbreak of
peace, love and harmony: 'At this moment, this is very normal for the
players to be relaxed and smiling. In the recent moments, we had tough
matches over Christmas so now we relax just for one of the eight daily
training sessions. There is no problem with morale in the squad in
this moment. The Inter Milan shirt for Adebayor is not a problem. In
fact, that was, how you say, my Secret Santa gift for him'.

In an exclusive interview, Chief Executive Garry Cook attempted to
give a managerial spin on this remarkable turn of events: 'It is
absolutely ludicrous and completely untrue for amateur journalists
from tabloid newspapers to print these despicable lies just before a
crucial match. There is no suggestion whatsoever of any harmony within
the club - either on the training ground, in the dressing room or on
the coach to away matches when Joe Hart, Kolo Toure and Gareth Barry
squabble over the front seat near Roberto. Why - only this morning, I
was having a chat with Carlos about the imminent arrival of Edin Dzeko
from Wolsburg. I told Tevez, that we had been forced to offer Dzeko a
basic salary £375,000 per week and Carlos was moaning that this
was higher than his £350,00 a week and he was going to cry and
cry and scweam and scweam until he got an improved offer of
£500,000 a day'.
'I replied this simply wasn't possible and anyway his annual net
income would exceed £775,000 when we win the Premiership, The
Carling Cup, the Fair Play League and the Champions League this
season. Tevez didn't take this very well and exploded with rage,
mumbling something in Spanish about City not even being in the
Champions League. He then proceeded to strangle me with his snood and
Brian Marwood had to intervene and restrain him before I was choked to
death. So, rest assured, there are still internal squabbles, player
disquiet, unrest and petty arguments in the Manchester City dressing
room and I wouldn't have it any other way. It shows that the players
care. It shows the player are passionate. About money'.