I don’t know if al the clever Spanish people who study English leave the country or whether translators aren’t very well paid in Spain but here’s some amusing signs from my recent holiday in Marbella.

‘Deposit all remainders here’ - Malaga airport.

I duly placed ‘2’ in the receptacle. This was left over when I was testing Norman Jeane and asked her to quickly divide 12 by 5.

‘Millionaires - Private Gentleman’s Club. Members only. Please always use rear entrance’ - Puerto Banus.

Superb English. Nothing wrong with it at all. I suspect Finbarr Saunders of Viz was commissioned for this wonderful sign.

‘Please wait 3 minutes before pulsating’ - water bottle dispenser in public car park in Ronda.

I am ashamed to say I could only last 2 minutes and 43 seconds before spontaneously and rapidly pulsating. The car park attendant looked at me a little strangely.