After I finally got over the shock of Michael Jackson (I suspect Mr. Pharmacist with the white pills and syringe in the study) and being genuinely saddened at the recent death of Sir Bobby Robson, I’m not sure I can take any more.

Just heard some really crap news. Benson, the world’s largest living carp, is no longer living.

Benson, who loved disco dancing, weighed 64 lbs and was between 20 and 25 years old (apparently, Benson lied about his age a lot - similar to Jane Fonda) has died.

The cause of death is unknown at this time but Michael Jackson’s doctor has not been eliminated from police inquiries. Benson had been caught 63 times which he used to carp about endlessly to local fishermen.

It is possible that one angry angler threw some unsalted Nobby’s Nuts into the lake which may have been responsible for Benson’s demise as he had a nut allergy and preferred spicy ‘Chilli Heatwave’ Doritos.