Dear Bob

Congratulations on disrupting the lives of millions of Londoners by calling a two day tube strike. Nice timing, by the way. An England international at Wembley and more importantly; The Fall, Buzzcocks and John Cooper Clarke live at Kentish Town.

Just a couple of quick questions before I set off:

  • I would also like a 5% pay rise which would come in most handy in these tense, difficult times. Also, the prospect of a guaranteed final pension and a job for life is also very appealing. I am certainly capable of reading a Red/Green/Amber signal, moving a lever from ‘Stop’ to ‘Go’ while reading a copy of ‘The Sun’. Please email me if any vacancies come up.
  • Obviously, I would like to show my whole hearted support for the RMT cause by hooting my (imaginary) horn and making a small financial contribution to the fighting fund. I will be passing though most of the mainline stations on my extended journey tonight so maybe you could picket there where the London commuting public can see you instead of hiding in your office car park - you cowardly bastards.

Your comrade, Norman.