After a detailed, comprehensive ‘root and branch’ inspection, the English FA have discovered that the organisation bears no resemblence to a national Football Association and is, in fact, a Christmas tree - a mid-range Norwegian pine (non-drop) to be precise.

MS Explorer is listing badly. Passengers have been advised to disembark and board Mozilla Firefox instead.

Croatia may have beaten England twice twice in the qualifying campaign but never mind. At least the marvellous Ing-er-land fans booed their national anthem to motivate their players and the singer improvised an amusing change to the verse.

Applications for annual leave during the summer of 2008 are now open again and overtime is no longer required for policemen and riot squads in Austria and Switzerland.