On May 21 2007, this newspaper published an article that was somehow misconstrued by some idiotic readers to imply that the funds raised to assist with the search for the missing girl, Madeleine McCann, were being misused by Gerry and Kate McCann to fund baby sitting services and countless bottles of Rioja (Gran Reserve 1987 vintage) for British holidaymakers (aka Tapas Bar 7) in sunny Portugal.

In the light of several hundred complaints from outraged readers and the threat of legal action from the McCann’s Press Office (which is absolutely not funded from the Find Madeleine fund whatsoever), this newspaper is pleased to offer a full and unequivocal apology to Gerry and Kate McCann on today’s front page.

After clarifying the original story with the unnamed sources, this esteemed organ will now restate the facts of the matter once and for all.

Not one penny of the funds raised (currently standing at over 1 million pounds) have been misused in any way, shape or form by the McCanns.

We know this for a fact because the money in question has, in fact, been used to make mortgage payments on the McCann’s 5 bedroom detached property in Leicester, near Rothley.