Another in this award winning and ever popular series.

‘Hello John. Can I ask you a quick question ?’

‘Well I’m onsite at a Red account in deepest Kazbakistan about to go into a crisis meeting. But, as it’s you (again). Go on. Fire away.’

‘Well I have a really strange problem. I’m currently at Asda and I can’t get…’

‘Yeah. Hurry up. What’s the actual problem ? Installation, performance, database, network, security, clustering, defect, LDAP - what is it ?’

‘Well it’s an unusual one. It’s the milk.’

‘The milk. What on earth are you talking about ? Did you really say milk ?’

‘Well, as I said, I’m currently in Asda and there is no milk.’

‘For Christ’s sake, you’re calling to ask me a question about your grocery shopping.’

‘Yeah. I really need milk and there isn’t any.’

‘Well obviously all the milk is sold out. Get fully skimmed or get 2 pints from the newsagent or the Total garage.’

‘But the milk isn’t actually sold out. That’s the weird thing.’

‘Well if it isn’t sold out, why is there no milk there ?’

‘That’s why I am calling you. Although there’s no milk, there is a sign on the refrigerator where the milk should be and the sign mentions you.’

‘Mentions me. What do you mean - the sign mentions me ?’

‘Shut up and listen’

‘Due to circumstances beyond our control, the milk chiller is currently out of service. We hope to have the unit working again as soon as poss-’

‘Look - can you hurry up ? The council of war is starting’

‘Well just shut up and listen then.’

‘We hope to have the unit working again as soon as possible. We sincerely apologise to all our loyal customers for the inconvenience caused. Until then, may we suggest you ask a colleague for advice.’