Two weeks ago, I sat in the business lounge at Newcastle airport. I chose a desk right in the corner away from everyone else because I am like that.
Inevitably, the lounge filled up with business types trying to impress everyone else by speaking loudly on their slimline toy phones.
A gentleman came and sat down next to me. He fetched an orange juice and two packets of delicious Kettle Chips (Sea Salt with crushed black peppercorns and Mature Cheddar and Chives) to occupy himself for the next 25 minutes.
Now Kettle Chips are very tasty and I am quite partial to a packet myself but when you are trying to concentrate and not partaking, the act of ripping open the packet(s) and noisily crunching crisp after crisp is incredibly irritating.
Finally, the second packet was exhausted. All the crumbs at the bottom had been shoveled down his greedy throat. Peace at last.
Peace until he got up from his chair and fetched another two packets. Not one but another two.
Now I know that food and drink are complimentary in the business lounge, but, for God’s sake, Kettle Chips simply aren’t exactly a delicacy that you never get at home.
This afternoon, I find myself in the same business lounge, with a new immediate neighbour for company. Incredibly, he has also just noisily munched his way through two packets of Kettle Chips.
Jesus Christ - he has just got up and and returned with another two packets (Salsa Mesquite and Sea Salt & Balsamic Vinegar).
I’ve had enough. I can’t take any more without saying anything I regret.
I am now going to show some solidarity with the man in the street and sit in an empty departure lounge with no flight until next Monday.
As far away from everyone else, and Kettle Chips, as I can possibly get.