Dear Paul
You are 32 years old and a fantastic footballer. You are still producing moments of breathtaking brilliance (lobbed pass for Rooney versus AC Milan).
You are one of my favourite players at Manchester United. However, let’s face it. You can not tackle to save your life. If you get booked and United beat AC Milan tonight, you will miss your second European Cup Final.
This would be hard for me to take so God knows how you would feel. Remember how it felt to walk around the Nou Camp in 1999 with Roy Keane in those grey suits.
If you make two tackles, you are likely to get booked. If you make four tackles, you are certain to get booked.
So please, please have a word with Alex Ferguson and get Michael Carrick to concentrate on winning the ball and just pass it to you.
Yours faithfully
Norman Brightside (no relation)