I am very lazy. It takes a gargantuan effort for me to maintain motivation and continue making material up for this blog.

Therefore, actually sitting down, in my own time, to compose a letter to appeal against a £20 fine imposed by Transport For London on my 14 year old daughter, Norma Jean, was not a task I undertook lightly.

I didn’t appeal because I can’t afford the £20.

I didn’t appeal because I think my daughter is above the law.

I didn’t appeal because I disputed a similar case five years ago when I was caught on a train without my monthly travel card and successfully got the fine waived ‘without prejudice’.

I didn’t appeal because I think I will be successful.

I didn’t appeal because I want my daughter to conduct her own defence in a court of law.

I didn’t appeal because I want to get in the local paper.

I appealed because my daughter is entitled to free bus travel and applied for an OysterCard to prove it.

I appealed because a £20 penalty fine for the heinous crime of dodging a bus fare of, err, zero pounds and zero pence is completely disproportionate and utterly ridiculous.

So, when my daughter hangs herself from a light fitting using a pair of tights in Feltham Young Offenders Institute, don’t blame me, blame the Nazi Bus Inspector who asked her

‘Do you have an OysterCard ?’


‘Do you have your OysterCard on you ?’

‘Yea - oh no - err, wait a minute, hang on, no, sorry. I left it at home.’

to which he replied