Inevitably, my new best friend, Michael, the Virgin Media engineer didn’t return on Friday afternoon to complete the installation of V+ or to reinstate my original, functional set top box to provide me with a TV service over the weekend.

Instead, he hurriedly telephoned me to say he had transferred this issue to the ’networks team’ who would call me later to resolve it. Surprise, surprise, the ’networks team’ didn’t call me to resolve it so I had to call them (on three separate occasions) to make another appointment.

I was trying to do the engineer a favour by suggesting he went off to his other jobs on Friday. I trusted him. With hindsight, I was probably naive, gullible and stupid.

A word of warning to the engineer who is scheduled to appear on Tuesday afternoon. My wife is taking time off work to accommodate your visit which she is already unhappy about. My wife doesn’t know (or care) what V+ is.

She is also ‘bitterly disappointed’ (she actually used different words) that Virgin Media can only specify an four hour window for an afternoon visit. As she works locally, she would have preferred the engineer to call her directly with an hours notice.

My wife is not naive, gullible or stupid so don’t be surprised if you don’t get offered a cup of coffee. There is a possibility that she will not offer you a visitors parking permit for your van which consequently may get clamped.

If there are any further problems this time, don’t just stand staring at a diagnostics screen saying ‘I think the Hit will download in a few minutes’ or swap one brand new functional box for another brand new functional box, do something to try to fix it.

Otherwise, there is a danger that you will be locked up in chains, thrown into the depths of the cellar and fed on a diet of crackers and water until the V+ service is actually working.