Oracle ‘A’ lister and Scottish football fan, Doug Burns, was celebrating last night as he hoisted the inaugural ‘Champions League Bingo’ trophy aloft in an Edinburgh pub.

Burns commented: ‘Obviously I am surprised and delighted to win this cup. I had never played before but the cliches just kept on coming. It was unbelievable. I was in a noisy pub and I had to ask the barstaff to pump up the volume and my friends to stop talking but it was worth it’.

Burns secured victory with a superb spot to a reference to Nigel Spinks and Aston Villa’s triumph in 1982 (2 points) and a late rally with a flurry of references to ‘Should he stay or should he go’ (16 points). Doug immediately vacated the scene of his famous victory to continue his celebrations with his Norwegian neighbours.

The special ‘OOONNN-RRR-EEE’ category was judged by celebrity, Tracey Temple, former Diary Secretary to John Prescott.

‘Two premature ejaculations in the first 2 minutes within 20 seconds of each other (2 points and 1 point), continual soft moaning for 90 minutes (nul point) and a failure to get it up after 70 minutes (3 points) ending in ultimate disappointment all round. What an anti-climax. Just like a night of passion with the DPM, in fact.’