This morning at some unearthly hour, I found myself standing once again in the queue to clear security at Heathrow Terminal 4. I was almost at the X-ray machine when a member of staff approached me and invited me to ‘volunteer’ for a full body scan.

He took me behind some screens and for one moment I feared the BAA queue monitors were going to exact their terrible revenge for my outspoken criticisms last week. However, he explained that the body scanner would take three scans of my body, each of which would pass a small amount of radiation through my body.

He added that people are exposed to such radiation when flying above 30,000 feet and the body scan would be equivalent to flying at this height for just 2 minutes.

This was supposed to reassure me but only planted the question in my mind: ‘Is it dangerous to fly non-stop 24 hours from London to Australia ?’

He then offered me the option to decline but said the alternative would be a ‘full body search by hand over there’ (pointing to an open area).

Obviously I agreed so I then had to stand at two oblique angles with my hands up and felt like a complete idiot from the hilarious TV program ‘You’ve Been Framed’ although, thankfully, I was hidden from the view of curious members of the public behind the partitions.

He then gave me the all-clear to proceed and informed me that I had the body of a 65 year old (which was a little depressing as I am only 42) and was pregnant with triplets but I did manage to jump 4 places in the queue as a reward.