Yesterday, Norma collided with another car in a SW London rat-run.
The lady took Normas details. I mourned taking out a high excess (£250). We were both thankful no-one was hurt, then I flew to Newcastle and forgot all about it.
This evening, I spent 45 minutes on the phone discussing the fact that nothing had happened
Nothing else was discussed. Why did this call take 45 minutes ?
Tagged by Tim Hall.
I finally caved in and replaced a 15 year old Sony TV with a Panasonic 32″ LCD TV (TX32LXD700) for Christmas. Although the aging Sony still worked fine, it did cycle through Red/Green/Blue and took 5 minutes to fully warm up.
Before taking the plunge, I read various reviews and looked at the televisions on my shortlist in shops. Most stores (understandably) use High Definition (HD) broadcasts or Blu-ray discs to show the digital technology at its best. Cartoons are another popular choice to demonstrate LCD TV's displaying a very high quality picture.
As the range and number of programs actually broadcast in HD on Virgin Media is currently relatively limited, I explicitly asked to see a conventional TV channel which was enlightening. You could often see pixellation and blurring which was disappointing but not wholly unexpected.
Undoubtedly, the Panasonic had the best picture quality both for standard and HD programs. I could have got a better deal on the previous model (TX32LXD70) but opted for the 700 for the better sound and additional HDMI input (3 in total).
Finally, the time came to actually buy the TV but, unfortunately, I now discovered the model was out of stock at most online retailers and good old fashioned shops. Eventually, I found the TV in stock (1-2 days delivery) at dabs.com for £769 including free delivery (normally £25) so I placed the order and waited.
After placing the order, I received various helpful emails from dabs:
Thank you for the order you placed with dabs.com on 01/12/07 which included an item or items which were out of stock at the time of order.
We've just received notice of a lead time change from our supplier which affects the following product(s) included within your order:
Quicklinx : 4HFN
Manufacturer : Panasonic
Product : TX-32LXD700 32″ LCD TV
Old Estimated Delivery : 05/12/2007
New Estimated Delivery : 13/12/2007Please note that the new estimated delivery date given above is the best possible date we can provide at this time. Rest assured that should this date move forward or backwards, we will keep you fully informed by email.
Strange. The TV wasn't actually listed as ‘Out of stock' when I placed the order. Worse, the projected dates kept slipping and slipping (like an IT project) until, tantalisingly, we reached 18 December.
I took the precaution of printing a large picture of the LCD TV on glossy paper and wrapped up the HDMI cable to give to Norma for her Christmas present - ‘This is what you could have won'.
Finally, some good news - dabs took the payment from the credit card which meant the TV was shipping imminently and the expensive package was delivered just in time for Christmas.
I resisted the temptation to open to package to check the contents and hook the TV up and managed to leave it propped up in the hallway until Christmas day.
Connecting the Panasonic to the Virgin V+ box was easy. You just need to buy an HDMI cable (not supplied with the TV) and modify the settings on the V+ box to output a HD signal.
Using the V+ Remote, select ‘Home' followed by ‘Settings'. Then select ‘Change Display and Audio Settings'. Then select ‘TV Display Format' and change the value to ‘Hi Def HDMI'. You can experiment with the screen resolution by changing the value of ‘V+ Box HiDef Output' but I found the optimal setting was ‘1080′.
Currently, Virgin Media only carries one High Definition channel (BBC HD) but the picture quality is simply staggering. We watched ‘Extras' and ‘Robin Hood' on HD and were able to compare and contrast the picture with conventional BBC1 (as both programs were broadcast simultaneously). The picture is absolutely razor sharp and has a sense of ‘depth'.
Watching conventional channels is a bit of a come-down after HD but my fears that a conventional TV broadcast (albeit upscaled) would actually be inferior to the 15 year old Sony set were unfounded.
Having said that, the picture quality does depend on the program. Fast moving images (like sports) are still prone to pixellation and blurring which is irritating given the amount of football I watch. The good news is that the England friendly international in February should be available on BBC HD so it will be interesting to see how the quality differs.
The V+ box solely uses the HDMI cable to connect to the Panasonic so I connected the DVD player using the Scart cable and the LCD TV has breathed new life into my DVD collection.
There is also a SD card slot for viewing digital photos which now show up every single blemish in full colour 32″ glory and Norman Jnr is delighted as he can also connect the Xbox 360 via a handy HDMI slot on the front panel and again, the picture quality, as he saves the world, destroying zombies with a flame thrower and hand held rocket launcher, is superb.
Overall, I am delighted with the Panasonic LCD TV and I find myself watching wildlife documentaries on BBC HD just to admire the astounding picture quality.
Just placed a Christmas present under the tree. Had a sneaky look at the tag to see whether a shake, rattle and roll was necessary. I was very surprised and somewhat upset to read:
'Happy Christmas to the best sister in the whole world (and quite a nice brother-in-law).'
January - Andy Murray reaches the quarter finals of the Australian Open but mysteriously withdraws citing a bad hair day. An inquiry is immediately launched into irregular gambling patterns preceding the match and his choice of shampoo. Manchester United triumph 7-4 in a thrilling FA cup-tie at Villa Park.
February - England beat Switzerland 5-0 at Wembley in a friendly. Frank Lampard scores a goal that is not deflected. Fabio Capello is hailed as a footballing genius
March - Liverpool lose 2-0 to Inter Milan in the Champions League. Rafael Benitez's head explodes. Andrew Flintoff is reinstated as England captain and Ian Botham is appointed Chairman of Selectors after the pair clinch victory in the opening test against New Zealand. The Kiwi side are later found drifting on a orange pedalo, kept afloat by empty kegs of beer. The New Zealand cricket board are fined $5,000 for the late return of the hire vessel.
April - Paula Radcliffe astounds the athletics world by giving birth to her second child at the 23 mile marker in the London marathon. Radcliffe finishes the race in a creditable 5th place.
May - Arsenal win the Premiership. Jens Lehmann wins the prestigious David May award for 'Best fringe player who intrudes on celebrations and gets in all the photos' award.
June - Rioting is reporting in Liverpool, Newcastle, Birmingham and East London by football fans with no major football tournament to attend.
July - In a bizarre twist, Tiger Woods wins the British Grand Prix and Lewis Hamilton wins the British Open while filming for the reality TV series 'Faking It'.
August - Great Britain win a solitary gold medal in the Bejing Olympics.
September - England lose 1-0 away to Kazakhstan in the opening World Cup qualifier. Fabio Capello is derided by the press as a hapless Italian ice-cream salesman, dismissed by the FA who appoint an Englishman (Borat) as his replacement.
October - After a poor start to the season, that leaves Chelsea hovering over the relegation zone, Roman Abramovich jettisons Avram Grant as manager, takes responsibility for team affairs, appoints Shevchenko as assistant manager and immediately signs Kaka, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, Fabregas and Jens Lehmann.
November - Rafa Benitez is appointed manager of Lyon in a dream partnership with Gerard Houlier. French media carries reports that the two men have never been sighted in the same place at the same time.
December - England beat Belarus 2-1 in a World Cup Qualifier. Borat is hailed as a footballing genius and the media salute England's golden age who will surely lift the World Cup in South Africa.
friends appear to have sent me a Notice of Intended Prosecution instead of their customary Yuletide greetings card.
I wrote and told them I had been a very good boy all year long. Well, a very good boy apart from my recent brush with their colleagues from the London branch.
Assuming Surrey Traffic Police content themselves with another fixed penalty notice and 3 points, this is quite inconvenient for me as this takes my tally to 9 points so I will now have to drive like an old man wearing a trilby hat. This will last for a full seven months when my current points start to expire.
I scrawled my own festive greeting on the non postage paid return envelope which I hope I don't live to regret.
'Merry Xmas to all at Surrey Traffic Police. You are all doing a great job.'
So, if you are stuck behind me and wonder why is that idiot driving below the speed limit, please accept my apologies but you can blame Surrey Traffic Police.
Maybe I should hire this lady as my personal chauffeur.
There are two words that are guaranteed to send Norman Junior and myself into fits of helpless laughter:
A week savouring the joys of commuting to Waterloo on South West Trains. Oxford Street is packed, the Christmas lights are on, the temporary ice rinks are open and lots of people are enjoying Christmas parties. Inevitably romance, as well as alcohol, is in the air.
I am fairly shy and reserved so I took the opportunity to place a couple of small ads in the wonderful London Paper and am eagerly awaiting a couple of calls and an early Christmas present next week.
'Monday night. District Line train to Wimbledon. You - beautiful, blonde hair, long coat, stylish scarf. Me - semi-comatose, dishevelled, drinking a can of Special Brew, pretending to read 'C# for beginners'. Drink ?'
'Tuesday night. Clapham Junction. 9pm. I was train-spotting on platform 11. You disembarked the 20:47 from Waterloo to Guildford. I informed you this service was delayed by 3 minutes 22 seconds due to a person being taken ill at Vauxhall. I then tried to tell you this locomotive had recently been serviced at Wimbledon Train Care Depot but you hurriedly walked away. Drink ?'
'Wednesday night. 01:55 Milk train to Portsmouth. Cute brunette who chose to sit next to me but was too nervous to say anything. I was desperately trying to remember what I had told the CEO at the office party. I fell asleep, snored and mistakenly lolled onto your shoulder. You smiled. Nervously. I missed my stop at Surbiton and ended up in Gosport. You laughed. Drink ?'
'Thursday night. Football club party. Stunning blonde who stood next to me under the Waterloo clock waiting for the 23:59 to Wokingham. I was wearing shorts, white T-shirt with fake breasts and a reindeer hat complete with flashing lights and antlers. I smiled and hicupped. A lot. You frowned and stared out the window while I tried to make eye contact. I asked you: 'Excuse me, but do you happen to know whether this train is stopping at Chessington South ?' I was transfixed by your beauty. At Raynes Park, your boyfriend said 'What do you think you're looking at, mate ?' and viciously attacked me. Drink ?'
Friday. Discharged from casualty with seven stitches. Called in sick. Quiet night in with the wife.
After a detailed, comprehensive root and branch inspection, the English FA have discovered that the organisation bears no resemblance to a national Football Association and is, in fact, a Christmas tree - a mid-range Norwegian pine (non-drop) to be precise.
MS Explorer is listing badly. Passengers have been advised to disembark and board Mozilla Firefox instead.
Croatia may have beaten England twice twice in the qualifying campaign but never mind. At least the marvellous Ing-er-land fans booed their national anthem to motivate their players and the singer improvised an amusing change to the verse.
Applications for annual leave during the summer of 2008 are now open again and overtime is no longer required for policemen and riot squads in Austria and Switzerland.
Last night at approximately 18:12, I turned right onto the A4 (Great West Road) heading in an easterly direction towards Chiswick when I noticed a white police van behind me with flashing headlights and blue light spinning.
The police van pulled out to overtake me, then suddenly pulled back into my lane and pulled up to a halt to assist a broken down vehicle which had hazard lights on and was stationary in the nearside lane.
I now had to pull out to overtake the police van. The driver of the police van kindly wound down his window and waved me on my way of an apology for cutting me up with no warning.
Then I noticed a two car shunt on the other carriageway that was causing havoc with Westbound traffic on one of London's main routes out of the city.
Thankfully, the eastbound A4 was virtually clear so I carried on. I remarked to Norma-Jean how brilliant it was for the kindly policeman to stop and help out the driver of broken down vehicle on a dark, cold night. I told her the Metropolitan Police do a superb job under difficult conditions and should be praised not continually criticised.
Then I saw the same police van screaming up behind me with the blue and white lights flashing.
With the innocence of youth, Norma Jean asked: 'Dad - he's not flashing at us, is he ?'
I reassured my young daughter 'Oh no - he has just noticed the accident of the other side and is trying to get there as quick as he can so he needs to get to the next roundabout to turn around. Either that or they're late for their tea.'
Only he wasn't attending the accident on the other carriageway. He was pulling me over. My heart sank.
I told Norma the Metropolitan Police were a corrupt organisation, filled with officious police officers, convicting innocent people, while letting guilty criminals roam free and the Met Police are always picking on innocent, law abiding drivers and she should never, ever trust them.
Time for quick thinking. I turn the radio off (Kiss FM - Norma Jeane's choice not mine) and ask Norma Jeane to wind the window down as we prepare for an encounter with the Metropolitan Police.
And so it begins...
'Good evening, Sir'
'Listen mate, enough of the pleasantries. I'm in a hurry. What the hell have you stopped me for ? Shouldn't you be out catching murderers ?'
No, no, only joking. 'Good evening officer.'
'I don't know if you're aware, Sir but I have stopped you because you just jumped a red traffic light back there.'
'What do you mean ? It was amber and I was stuck in no-man's land so I had to proceed. Anyway, this is London not a country village.'
No, no, only joking. 'Yes I know, officer. I'm really sorry about that.'
'There were three vehicles that jumped the red light. Every single one of you illegally jumped the red light and not one of you noticed the police van sitting behind you waiting patiently at the red light.'
'Yeah well - if that underpowered transit had got any acceleration, you could have come through behind us too.'
No, no, only joking. 'Yes I know, officer, I'm really sorry.'
'...and when I attempted to stop you, you then proceeded to drive away.'
'Yes I know, officer, I'm really sorry. I genuinely thought you were attending to that two car shunt back there.'
'Yes. Well I wasn't. It's just a good job you stopped this time. Barry wanted to activate the loudspeaker system and I'm sure you, or your lovely daughter, wouldn't have wanted that, would you, Sir ?'
'Yes I know, officer, I'm really sorry.'
'Listen to me, Sir. We have already had three deaths on the roads in London tonight so we are just asking people to drive carefully.'
'I see officer. I will certainly drive more carefully now.'
'OK. I've warned the other two drivers so now I am warning you. Please drive carefully, Sir. Good-night.'
And with that, the flashing lights were turned off, Barry sighed with disappointment and he departed, content to let me off with a warning.
Which was just as well as I am currently on six penalty points for two separate speeding offences both incurred in Watford.
Understandable really though. You're so relieved to get away from that awful town, you do tend to put your foot down.