Posts in category "crm"

Before Christmas, my friendly postman tried to deliver a parcel when no-one was home. Instead of leaving the parcel propped up by the front door to be buried under the falling snow, inviting passers-by to steal the potentially valuable item or slinging it into our dustbin, this time he helpfully left a note asking me to collect the package from the local sorting office or 'request a redelivery' on a subsequent date using a form on the Royal Mail web site.

As I am quite lazy, I went for the latter option, and requested re-delivery for two days later. The Xmas parcel duly arrived on the prescribed date so that was fine. Well done to the Royal Mail for making the re-delivery request option available online. Less work for me. A little more work for them. Everyone's happy.

A full 10 days later, I was a little perplexed to receive the following email from Royal Mail. At first, I assumed it was a feedback request to 'Please rate our service' but no, it wasn't.

Subject: Redelivery response

If you are now in receipt of your redelivered item, thank you for using our on-line redelivery service and please delete this email.

Ah OK so I can safely delete this email message as my parcel has been successfully redelivered but let's read on just out of idle curiosity.

Dear Sir or Madam

Thank you for requesting redelivery of your item.

Your local delivery office received your request and after searching for your item was unable to locate it. This could be because you have either already collected the item from the delivery office or it has been redelivered.

If this is not the case may I firstly apologise for any inconvenience you have been caused and for information on what to do next please visit our website at www.royalmail.com or contact Customer Services on 08457 740 740

I had to read this correspondence three times before I was able to parse the words - 'Your local delivery office received your request and after searching for your item was unable to locate it'. Eh ? But the local delivery office did receive my request and actioned it. The re-delivery request had a number associated with it so why didn't they update the status with 'Re-delivery scheduled for '19/12' ?

The next sentence is also rather odd - 'This could be because you have either already collected the item from the delivery office or it has been redelivered.' Somehow this implication of the first statement is that this state of confusion may partially be my fault for having the temerity to visit the local sorting office as requested to collect my parcel. Again, it's clear the Royal Mail has no idea what actually happened to this parcel. For all they know, it's sitting at the bottom of my tall, black wheelie bin under two heavy sacks of Christmas rubbish imminently destined for landfill.

However, even though the Royal Mail has no idea what happened to my parcel, I can rest easy - 'If this is not the case may I firstly apologise for any inconvenience you have been caused and for information on what to do next, please visit our website or contact Customer Services on 08457 740 740'.

So, if my parcel hadn't been successfully re-delivered or I hadn't collected it in person, this email from Royal Mail Customer Services hardly inspires confidence that they will inform me with any degree of certainty what to do next.

At the weekend, I purchased a new printer after replacing the ink cartridges failed to reinstate the ability to print in black on my Canon IP4000.

Previously, I'd researched which printers had decent Linux support and decided on an HP Deskjet 3050. This is a wireless printer so I hoped that the Windows PC's in the house would be able to print directly and the management of the printer (inkjet levels) would be easier. My current Canon IP4000 has served me well but is pretty old and I was surprised to find I could pick up an HP wireless printer for £34.

I checked the price on Amazon to find the price has risen to £38.99 in the intervening two weeks - not just at Amazon but at all online retailers I normally use. No problem - still excellent value. As Norma is patiently waiting to submit a couple of essays for her course, I decided to venture out to try to buy a printer as delivery times from Amazon could be delayed given the recent cold spell.

I walked into Comet - the HP Deskjet 3050 was on the shelf listed at the price I'd originally seen - £34.00. I darted next door to a cavernous PC World which is the size of a aircraft hanger and a gadget heaven. They also had the printer but now at the higher price of £38.99.

I went back to Comet, picked up the last remaining Deskjet box and walked up to the till. The girl swiped the barcode and said (much as I expected) - 'That will be £38.99, Sir'. 'Oh I think that's a mistake - it's listed as £34.00 on the display'. 'No, sorry, Sir. It's coming up on the computer as £38.99'. 'Sorry but the price on the display is £34.00 and you have to charge me that price for the printer. It’s the law'.

She interrupted me ‘Well I will have to see this for myself. Can you show me ?' So we both ambled over to the display area of various printers. The shop assistant wasn't best pleased and she muttered ‘Are you absolutely sure it's the same printer, the same make and model ?'

We arrived at the display item for the HP DeskJet 3050 printer where the price was displayed as clear as day, in black and white as £34.00. She turned back towards the till without a word so I duly followed, feeling slightly guilty.

'Right then, Sir'. And she entered a manual override for the price and entered £34.99. That will be ‘£34.99 please'. ‘But the price is £34 dead, £34 exactly'. 'Was it ?' By now my patience and my good humour at finding the desired printer in stock and saving £5 was being tempered by this girl's surly and unhelpful attitude.

‘Listen. We've just walked over to check the price. We did that because I know what the price is but you don't. Didn't you even look at the price ? What was the point of going over if you're can't be bothered looking at the price?'

‘So you're really going to argue with me over 99p are you ? I've already keyed it now.'

'Yes - because the price is £34.' She emitted a long sigh under her breath and she entered the correct price and I proferred my credit card.

And now in a voice scarily reminiscent of Catherine Tate as the TGI waitress; ‘Would you be wanting extended insurance cover with that, at all, Sir ?'. 'Oh no - thanks - just the printer, thanks.' 'Insurance cover is available for just £24.99 for 3 years and £34.99 for a full, comprehensive 5 years peace of mind'.

'I’m not really likely to insure something that cost me £34 for £35. If it blows up after 1 year and 1 day, I’d just buy another printer that is likely to be better, faster and probably cheaper.'

‘Well that's entirely up to you, Sir but these printers can be quite unreliable.'

'No really. Just the printer thanks'. 'Right - so that’ll be £34.00 for the printer then.'

I went to nudge the printer box towards me in a precursor to leaving this godforsaken store and erasing this girl's morose, stupid, miserable face from my memory bank. For ever.

‘Can I interest you in more ink cartridges, Sir ? Special offer in December on all inkjets - buy one set of ink and get another one at half price.'

‘No thanks. I normally get my cartridges off the Internet.'

‘OK, Sir. That's entirely up to you but I must tell you that printers only come with a 'starter pack' which only print 50 pages or so so you might run out very quickly.'

I smelled bullshit here but I wouldn't put it past the printer companies in an effort to recoup their loss on the actual device to ship with smaller, low capacity cartridges. Worse, the spectre of Norma printing out several lengthy papers and articles and the ink running out just as she printed of the final revision of her essay for submission was hovering overhead like a hungry vulture.

'No thanks. No insurance. No additional ink. Just the printer. Thanks.'

I got home, quickly installed and configured the printer and discovered HP provide two standard cartridges (black and the 3 colour mix). No starter pack.

I quickly checked wireless printing from three Windows computers (XP, Vista and Windows 7) and downloaded the latest version HP native Linux software (HPLIP) to configure and manage the printer which was conveniently available in the Fedora 14 repositories.

Finally, I ordered two spare cartridges from Amazon for £20 compared to £24 at Comet.

British Airways, shocked at missing out last years trophy, have launched a superlative campaign for 2008.

Agency: Itchy & Scraatchi. Cost: £25,000 found in a digger after the completion of T5. Gate 3 - Newcastle airport.

Together we can work wonders

Off to a gentle modest start.

Together we can get people talking about T5

That is certainly true.

Together we can make T5 world famous

Some wag has added a prefix of 'in'.

Together we can keep people smiling

Most people smile, dumped in Vancouver 17 hours late with no clean shirts and underpants, don't they ?

Together we can keep things moving

Well most things with the exception of the baggage carousels.

...and the final, closing, crowning glory.

Together we can get off to a flying start

Honestly, if you made it up, people wouldn't believe you.

Another in the recently launched and incredibly unsuccessful ‘30 second guide’ series.

After learning all about data warehousing, I didn’t see Sue for a while. I assumed she was working elsewhere on a long term project. However, after 18 months I finally managed to track her down.

For some inexplicable reason, she had left IT (and data warehouses behind). She lived, alone but content, in a Crofter’s cottage in a remote part of Scotland making tartan rugs. She looked a little surprised but pleased to see me on her doorstep.

‘So Sue - what about all this CRM stuff ?’

Sue sighed. ‘Norman - what do you want to know now ?’

‘Well - the let’s take this Pareto Principle for starters’

‘The Pareto Principle states that for all businesses, 20% of the customer base delivers 80% of the profit.’

‘Oh I see. Well how do I identify that elusive, profitable 20% ?’

‘That, Norman, lies at the very heart and is the central tenent of Customer Relationship Management (CRM). Solving that problem is the Holy Grail of CRM’.

‘Oh I see. I keep hearing these clever marketing types talking about “propensity to churn”. Are they feeling unwell ?’

‘Propensity to churn refers to the likelihood of customers terminating their contract and going elsewhere. If you have always bought your gas from British Gas for 24 years, always had a BT phone line and always used the same bank, then your ’propensity to churn’ is low. If you switch mortgages every two years chasing the cheapest rate, then your ‘propensity to churn’ is much higher.’

‘I see. So what is a segment ?’

‘A segment is a simply a set of customers. Remember sets and Venn diagrams at school. Take the set of all male customers. Take the set of customers aged 30-35. Take the set of customers earning over 40K. Take the intersection of all three sets. That is a segment.’

‘Well that’s easy enough. And what about this so-called nirvana of 1:1 marketing ?’

‘Marketing people think that the smaller and more selective a segment is, then the higher the chance of selling to that segment. The smallest segment (with the highest possible chance of selling) is obviously a single person. However, you need a lot of criteria (information about the individual) to derive a segment of one. However, that is what marketeers dream of at night.’

‘I see. What about a channel ?’

‘Telephone, TV, radio, internet, newspapers, letters, billboards - any way in which you can interact with a company’

‘Err - how do I ’interact’ with a billboard ?’

‘You may not think it but you are subliminally reading the marketing message.’

‘Lifetime value ?’

‘Exactly what it says on the tin. How much money are you worth over your lifetime to a company. One element of the Pareto Principle is that some customers (out of the 80%) are bring in less money than they cost to administer. People who pay off their credit card balance in full every month are just one example. Identifying these customers and losing them may actually be beneficial to the business.’

‘One last question. What is cross-sell and up-sell ?’

‘Cross-sell is selling you home insurance when you call to renew your motor policy. Up-sell is selling you that Uninsured Loss Recovery that no-one understands, wants or needs or the expensive travel insurance bundled with your holiday.’

‘Well Sue. Thanks a lot. That was really informative but you did drone on for rather more than 30 seconds.’

‘I know Norman. That’s the nature of CRM for you. Cliches and 24 words where 1 would suffice. Would you like a rug in the Brightside tartan to take home with you ?’

I was travelling on a train in Stockholm today when a man walked through the carriage selling something. Unlike London, he wasnt flogging copies of the Big Issue to feed his dog or demanding money with menaces.

Instead, this gentleman simply proceeded to place small cards on each vacant seat. He did this very quietly and politely and then returned to his original position. Despite craning my neck and desperately trying to look at the cards while simultaneously trying to look completely disinterested, I couldn't actually discern what was on offer.

This lapse was caused by an innate fear of missing my stop and spending another 75 minutes trapped, wandering aimlessly in the rabbit warren that is Stockholm Central Station. However, I managed to determine that it was either an English language school with beautiful, buxom blonde teachers or Stockholm's newest lap dancing bar.

To my amazement, after 2 minutes, the gentleman repeated his walk through the carriage, reclaimed all of the cards which had lain undisturbed by any passengers. He then disembarked, presumably to repeat the exercise on another train.

Location: Heathrow T4 toilets.

• Durex Featherlite
• Durex Ribbed for Extra Sensitivity
• Durex Extra Safe
• Durex Gossamer
• Durex Lager & Lime
• Durex Chicken Korma
• Nurofen

Obviously two of the above are fictitious but the Nurofen is genuine. A great idea to counter that age old objection - 'Not tonight dear, I have a splitting headache'.

[ This blog is brought to you by Tom Hanks who actually has lived unnoticed in Heathrow Terminal 4 for the past 8 years, sleeping on chairs by night and queuing in various parts of the building by day. ]

In an earlier post, I moaned about Dells opaque pricing model on their UK Web site. However, people (especially me) are very quick to moan and complain but often slow to give thanks and appreciation.

I subsequently contacted Dell Customer Services to complain that the invoice was for a different amount agreed on the phone (strong case) and the fact I discovered that I could configure an identical PC for an even lower price (weaker argument).

The lady from Dell Customer Services initially suggested that I cancel the original order and simply place another order online at the lower price. I pointed out that this was a little silly as it would mean cancelling an order for one computer and adding a new order for a brand new computer with the identical specification.

In any event, it transpired that the PC had already been dispatched from Dell to the courier company, so I would have to call a different department 'Pre Sales Delivery' to cancel the order.

The gentleman in 'Pre Sales Delivery' was more helpful and agreed that cancelling the current order was ludicrous. He offered me a All-In-One-Printer free of charge. While this was a nice gesture, I told him I already had a printer. He then offered me a digital camera free of charge but I already had one of those too. I stood my ground and insisted on the refund and he finally agreed.

The gentleman also gave me his direct email and the name of his supervisor in case of any subsequent issues with the refund. So, I am pleased to say that Dell honoured the lowest price for the PC. It was inconvenient, took a little persistence and a few phone calls but for 54GBP it was well worth it.

Imagine walking into a department store to buy a TV. You weigh up all the possible options and decide which model you want. The price of this TV is £457. The assistant says That will be 457 pounds, Sir as she takes the credit card payment and arranges delivery for next week.

You then happen to go up to the second floor and see the identical TV for £422. That's £35 cheaper than what you've just paid. You go back to the assistant who sold you the goods to query this difference in the price. Unfortunately, the assistant is now on her lunch break but you are promised that she will call you back. She doesn't.

You then leave the department store via the ground floor where you see the identical TV priced at £565.

You arrive home and just happen to check the credit card receipt. The amount debited is £476 instead of £457. Silly you; you should have checked the amount more carefully at the time. You call the department store to complain. The customer services manager you need to speak to is on a break but he will call you back immediately. He doesn't.

Well that is how online shopping for a Dell computer works. There are many different possible ways to configure the identical specification for a desktop PC and get a completely different price ranging from £422 to £565. This difference appears to depend on which path (Offers page, Dimension page) you followed through the Dell web site (and which E-Code is listed) when you added and subtracted the various possible options to configure the final system.

So, if you are thinking of buying a computer from Dell, always compare every conceivable way of configuring the final system before placing the order. Always order on the Internet once you are confident you have obtained the cheapest price. Never order on the telephone from a human being. I was given one price on the telephone and when the invoice arrived via email, a higher price was listed.

Alternatively, it might be just simpler to buy your computer elsewhere.

Airports are pretty dull places. Last Wednesday, I found myself at Heathrow T2, at some unearthly hour in the morning. I wandered round Dixons to have a quick look at the latest gadgets and kill some time. I happened to see a couple of items I was interested in. The first was Microsoft Office 2003 for Student Edition (3 user license). I had already seen this on Amazon at 91GBP and Dixon's tax free price was 110GBP which was, err, twenty pounds more expensive. So, not exactly a brilliant saving at Dixons Tax Free shopping there.

Secondly, a cheap MP3 player (Logik 1GB). This was only 63GBP at Heathrow which was odd because the identical model is available for only 54GBP in my local Dixons on the high street and has also been advertised recently in the national press. So, another triumph for so called Tax Free shopping at Dixons.

Even more odd is that Dixons have a large poster at the entrance to the store proclaiming 'We beat Amazon/Tesco/Argos prices'. Now in the light of my very limited price comparison of just two items, that poster would seem to be misleading at best, downright dishonest at worst and possibly in breach of trading standards regulations.

The poster implies to potential customers that Dixons are proactively monitoring prices at three other major competitors and undercutting their prices so you can buy from Dixons with confidence. I realise that Dixons are under massive pressure from UK supermarkets (who sell cheap DVD players alongside Cornflakes) and internet retailers. In addition, Dixons' profits have also been badly hit by the decision to stop forcing lucrative, extended warranties onto customers but is this really the way to win business back.

Out of interest, I sent an email to Dixons for their thoughts....

A lot of people make a lot of money out of customer relationship management (CRM) but here is a real-life example of how customer service affects the relationship with the customer.

A few weeks ago I ordered a wireless USB card and a CD (Antics by Interpol) from Amazon. I received the normal 'Your order has been dispatched' email within 24 hours. I waited for 10 days but nothing turned up which was unusual because normally Amazon deliver pretty promptly (even with the SuperSaver option).

I know the package hasn't been left on my doorstep in the pouring rain by the postman and subsequently stolen as I specified the delivery address as my place of work, specifically, to avoid this.

So I send Amazon a polite email informing them of the problem and asking what can be done.

Amazon replied promptly, helpfully confirming when the package was dispatched and that, unfortunately, there was no way of tracking the item.

Please note that we take full responsibility should any item become lost or damaged while being delivered, and we are more than happy to replace these items at a cost to ourselves. If your package does not arrive by September 23, 2005, please contact us to confirm that it has not been received and that your delivery address is correct for your order, so we can investigate and take the appropriate action.

Now what was interesting about this reply was:

• Amazon actually read my email and answered my specific questions. It was not a standard form letter.
• If, after waiting two weeks and checking the delivery address was correct, the package still did not turn up, Amazon were prepared to send me the goods free of charge for a second time.

Anyway, this story had a happy ending as the package was actually sitting in the post room at work and they had simply forgotten to inform me.

Now, after I made the initial order I discovered I could have got the identical wireless USB card off the shelf for the same price, without any delay in Tesco and I could have saved a whole three pounds (33%) on the CD (at CD-WOW!).

However this excellent customer service gives me a increased level of confidence of buying goods from Amazon. Could I be guaranteed the same response if another, more expensive package from another retailer went missing ?