Posts from May 2009

Come on everybody. Sing along now.

A mole digging in a hole
Digging up my soul now
Going down, relegation
Ashley and I in the sky
You make me feel like I can die
So low, relegation
Relegation Relegation Relegation

My obsession with notices and signs in lavatories continues. Has it really come to this ?

'When should you wash your hands ?'

'After your hands have become dirty.'

Unfortunately, I wasnt able to get a ticket to the Emirates on Tuesday night so here is my match report culled from my stream of inane drivel on identi.ca.

Preparing for the big game...

'My wife just gave me the shock of my life. She said 'We may have a big problem here.' Thought TV was bust. Turned out son 'lost' his PE bag.'

'Saw a couple of Gooners on way to Emirates. Lowered car window and shouted 'Manchester, Manchester, la, la, la' at them. They waved back.'

'Why the feck do Arsenal sing 'The Wonder of You' ?'

The game gets underway and the first can of Grolsch gets opened. 'What a start ! 2-0 after 11 minutes. The tie is over now. The wonder of Almunia (back to his best) and Gibbs.'

Half-time arrives, the pundits have their say and the Grolsch is restocked during the adverts.

'Urgh ! Jens Lehman - what a nasty and uncalled for surprise !'

'God - I think Steve Rider is going to cry in a minute. Is he a Gooner ?'

Second half gets underway...

'Gibbs off - for Eboue. Well, that's a bit harsh. He wasn't that bad ! LOL'

'Where are all those pretty Red and White Arsenal flags ? Have the stewards asked for them all back ?'

'Oh no - someone has left a suspicious package in the corporate seats. The anonymous caller just said it was under a pretty Red and White flag.'

'Jesus - that third goal - Rooney, Ronaldo was absolutely superb ! 3-0.'

'Walcott off - never actually realised he was playing. As Morrissey sang, 'You just haven't earned it yet, baby.'

'Who the f*ck are Man United ? Who the f*ck are Man United ? And the Reds go marching - on, on, on.'

'Arsenal - you now require 5 (five) goals in 25 minutes.'

'Rooney off - will play in the Final - and we look forward to the exertions and energy of Berbatov.'

'The commentator raises a good point - Ferguson is never hailed as a tactical genius (like Rafa, Arsene). Probably for the best.'

'Still, all Gooners can go home - trophyless - and rest assured this is a young team with promise for the future. Just like the last 5 years.'

'Look at Madrid. Look at MUFC. I have a feeling Ronaldo might be staying put. Not sure whether I'm pleased about that or not.'

'Fletcher - red card for a fair tackle - misses Final but you can't referee retrospectively. Otherwise MUFC might have lost to Spurs.'

'Emirates half-empty at the end - strictly part-time supporters. Don't forget your complimentary Red and White flags on the way out now.'

A lot has been written about Chelseas recent exit from the Champions League to an injury time winner from Iniesta at Stamford Bridge that dumped Chelsea out of the competition on the away goals rule to Barcelona.

Inevitably, there has been much discussion about the controversial penalty incidents, the quality of the Norwegian referee, the behaviour of some Chelsea players during and after the match and even ridiculous talk of a UEFA conspiracy.

However, two of the main protagonists in this European Cup Semi Final should reflect and examine the part they played in the semi-final more closely.

Look again at Iniesta's goal. No - come on, stop laughing - and look closely at the goal.

Who is the closest Chelsea player to Iniesta when he receives the ball ? Michael Ballack. Just look at Ballack's feeble attempt to block Iniesta's shot. This is the dying seconds of a Champions League semi-final. Ballack actually goes down on one knee and shrinks away from the ball instead of charging it down.

As for Didier Drogba, he missed a gilt-edged chance in the first leg that would have given Chelsea a priceless away goal. Drogba also missed a similar opportunity that would surely have sealed the tie in the second leg at Stamford Bridge. Drogba will claim his shirt was pulled in one of the penalty incidents but maybe his reputation for cheating and diving preceded him and influenced the referee's decision.

After 72 minutes, Drogba was substituted. As he walked off, he shook his head and limped towards the bench. The implication was he was injured after a heavy tackle and could play no further part. This clearly wasn't a tactical substitution.

Imagine then, my surprise at the final whistle, to see Drogba leap up from the bench, clad in idiotic flip-flops, running onto the pitch to harangue the referee and deliver a foul-mouthed, abusive tirade directly into the cameras and a watching TV audience of millions. No injury. Once again, just like last May when Drogba needlessly got himself sent off in the Champions League Final which meant that he could not take a crucial penalty, Drogba had cheated Chelsea FC and he cheated Chelsea fans.

Finally a word on the Chelsea captain, John Terry, the man who sobbed like a baby, after his hilarious missed penalty gifted the European Cup to Manchester United last May. After the final whistle, you can clearly see John Terry admonishing security stewards who were trying to offer some protection to the referee as they attempted to escort him from the field of play. Is a man like John Terry who conducts himself like this really a role model and the right choice as captain of England ?

Apologies for the slightly delayed post but I was laughing uncontrollably for much of yesterday.

You see - Im really wasted in IT. I really should be in pre-sales or on The Apprentice.

I thought I'd return to my minimalist roots and change the theme on this blog.

If you're reading this in an RSS reader, no need to click through and leave a comment telling me 'I use an RSS reader so I don't care about your new theme' because I already know.

If you think 'Hey - this theme is simply a blatant rip off of Russell Beattie's blog, I'm going to run and tell him', don't bother. I already know and so does Russell.