Posts from March 2008

Its no good. I simply cant go on. I can no longer summon up the enthusiasm for blogging.

All the warnings from the blogging 101 courses over the years have proven to be very true.

I foolishly dipped my toe into Twitter and then FriendFeed but it's no good I simply can't go on with this any longer.

I can't bear to miss my children growing up just because 'Facebook is so last year, Dad.'

I can't bear to talk to my wife and be abrupt and terse simply because I am now limited to 140 characters.

The time has finally come for me to declare complete 100%, unadulterated blogging and Web 2.0 bankruptcy.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your comments during the past years.

Tomorrow I will resign from Oracle Corporation and will devote the rest of my life to my one true love.

Learning to play guitar well enough to cover 'Country Feedback' by R.E.M. Wish me luck.

Peace, love, empathy

The byte stream that is 'Blog in Isolation'.

Oracle Corporation - Redwood Shores, near California.

Oracle today announced the release of a major maintenance release of version 11g of the companies flagship database server product.

Charles Phillips took the world by surprise by making a major announcement a full six months ahead of Oracle Open World as he addressed the media (including 17 carefully selected representatives from the blogging community):

'This release is the culmination of years of engineering effort aimed at delivering deterministic and reliable performance with the very highest levels of throughput. Oracle 11gR7 offers proven scalability for all Oracle applications including universal support for third party (aka legacy) applications while simultaneously reducing the cost of ownership and maximising the return on investment for all our customers.'

'Oracle are delighted to announce the immediate availability of Release 11.1.0.7.0 which is now available for every single platform (well apart from OpenVMS).'

'The release includes the productisation of a previously, hidden parameter known only to highly paid consultants. Previously, the configuration setting could only be invoked by dressing up in long white robes, waving a magic wand while dancing over sheep's entrails and simultaneously chanting holy, mystical incantations. The parameter previously known as '_GO_FASTER' is now available as a documented SPFILE parameter with possible values of 'FALSE, SAFE, CHEAP, TRUE or TURBO.'

Wall Street analysts were staggered at the news and, as soon as they sober up after yet another Web 2.0 lunch, they will give their carefully considered verdict but the Oracle stock price is expected to rocket following the press release.

Oracle also hopes to have a back-port for Oracle 10g and the legacy Oracle 9i database server available by the end of the month.

We were the best team. People say over a season you finish where you deserve to, but we didnt deserve to finish behind Manchester United. We were everyones second team.

Terry McDermott on Newcastle's near miss in 1996.

Just a reminder of the final League positions for the 1995-1996 season.

1. The Fall - Hazel Grove Youth Club (1979) - We are The Fall. Rule One: no-one gets on stage. Rule Two: no spitting. Rule Three: no requests.
2. The Chameleons - Salford University (1984) - The Manchester gigs just seemed so much more manic.
3. The Fall - Stockport College (1979) - Not so much a stage as a large step. Standing three feet away from a snarling Mark E. Smith and his carrier bag.
4. The Chameleons - Gallery (1982) - Notable for a gigantic leap by skinhead from the gallery onto the dance floor. When we left, we found him lying semi-conscious on the pavement outside.
5. The Fall - Manchester Poly (1980) - Compered by the late John Peel. Smith waded into the crowd to sort out a brave individual who doused him in lager.
6. The Smiths - Brixton Academy (1986) - Little did we know it but turned out to be the final Smiths show. Morrissey walking on wielding 'The Queen is dead' placard. Pure theatre.
7. The Smiths, The Fall and New Order - G-Mex (1986) - If The Chameleons had been present, my life would have been complete.
8. The Fall - Walthamstow (1986) - 'Bend Sinister' tour with Brix and two drummers. So fantastic we went to Woolwich the next night.
9. U2 - Warwick University Arts Centre (1981) - U2 blown away by an unknown support band; 'Hi - We're The Chameleons and we're from Manchester.'
10. The Chameleons - Shepherd's Bush Empire (2001) - Reunion gig - After 14 long years, as if they had never been away.
11. The Fall - Lyceum Ballroom (1984) - sad to say, I went on my own and taped this show with a cheap Saisho walkman from Dixons.