[ Originally published in 1999 and lovingly salvaged from the WayBack archive ]

The Chameleons were a band formed in 1981 Middleton, north Manchester, England who released three albums before they split up in 1987.

The Chameleons consisted of Mark Burgess (bass, vocals), Dave Fielding (guitar), Reg Smithies (guitar) and John Lever (drums).

I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that when I first saw the Chameleons live, I barely noticed them. They were supporting U2 at the prestigious venue known as the University of Warwick Arts Centre in late 1981. At the time, U2 were relatively unknown too outside indy circles. I remember Bono slagging off the Radio 1 PlayList when introducing 'Fire'.

Anyway, my first memory of the Chameleons was Mark walking on to the stage in front of probably 200 people in the Arts Centre (probably held 1500) muttering what later transpired to be the immortal words -

'Hi - we're the Chameleons and we're from Manchester'

Of course, everyone was drinking elsewhere or talking and waiting for U2. It wasn't until the summer of 1982 that I heard a session by The Chameleons on Piccadilly radio (local Manchester radio station). I still have the tape of that session - the songs included 'Monkeyland' and 'Fan The Bellows'

After that I saw the Chameleons play quite a few times mainly in Manchester (Ritzy's, Hacienda, Salford College). The Manchester gigs were great and notable for the large devoted Middleton contingent. I'd only been to the Hacienda once before and it struck me as an overpriced, overrated venue. It had big screens with flashing images and clips from obscure, cult movies like 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes'. It was brilliant to hear the 'Chameleons Barmy Army' blasting out and people invading the stage, leaping around and generally antagonising the FAC51 bouncers.

At that time, I used to watch Manchester United quite a lot as well. I used to go to most home games and some away games. It struck me that the atmosphere at Chameleons gigs was quite similar to a United away game. Both events were preceded by pre-match drinking and a great sense of expectation. There was probably more tension and (threat of) violence at the football. In fact, the atmosphere at Chameleons gigs was brilliant and although the gigs were very physical - a lot of leaping around and stage diving - I don't actually remember any fighting. At other concerts (mainly The Smiths and The Fall) I went to around the same time, there was such a mixture of people (Punks, Skins, students, bouncers etc) there, the undercurrent of violent tension was always there and sometimes erupted.

I also have hazy memories of trying and failing to see The Chameleons (summer '82) at the Marquee in London (sold out) and again with a few mates at the Camden Palace. This was a bizarre gig. Mark's voice was knackered - they must have been in the middle of a lengthy tour. After a couple of songs, Mark invited the audience to come up and share the singing. Unsurprisingly it wasn't quite as good as the real thing and the lads had to end the set. All the expectation, waiting and drinking was for nothing - what an anti-climax.

Things he did say

I had an exchange of emails with Mark Burgess in late 1998. I've published it here in case it's of interest.

Things I wish I'd said

I have some bootleg tapes of varying quality of Chameleons concerts. Here's a complete list of the gigs with the set-lists including any notable quotes by Mark in between songs.

Derby Hall, Bury (3 July 1981)

First ever live concert as the Chameleons.

Don't Fall

In Shreds

On The Beach

Up The Down Escalator

We don't use set lists, you know what I mean. We play what we feel like playing on the spur of the moment so things get a bit quiet inbetween so you'll have to make your own entertainment. Bit like Joy Division when they played here. Anyone heard of them ? Breaking Glass [JD song title]

...like my white socks, know what I mean, new song, new faces. This is about the old faces.

Endless Space

This is a song about wanting to live forever. This is called Films.

Films

Thank you very much indeed. Ta. This is the last one I'm afraid. Well we know you've all got buses to catch and things so we won't keep you. It's called Monkeyland. (Dave) - This set, right, we going to dedicate it to Adrian 'cos we've known him for quite a bit but we haven't seen him for ages and he's played with us a few times. We've made a cassette - it's as good as the set list so if you want to buy it. This is Reg's favourite, Monkeyland. Some people think it's the best one. Monkeyland Raucous cheering, applause, shouts of 'Stay On'.

Monkeyland

Yeah, sound. Unfortunately...oh alright 'In Shreds', it is.

In Shreds

Derby Hall, Bury (1982 date unknown)

Quite early from the set and lack of audience fervour. If anyone know the exact date of this gig, please let me know.

Intro (tuning up)

Good evening. We're the Boomtown Rats, ha ha, my little joke. In actual fact we are The Chameleons.

Fan The Bellows

(inaudible) ...This is a song which reflects that... (inaudible) Standing on the corner (?) A song about the senseless waste of good people. It's called 'Here Today'.

Here Today

I'm falling from grace with myself again - happens all the time.

Falling from Grace

Reverb please. We're going to do a song called 'Nostalgia'. Like most of them, Reg wrote the song.

Nostalgia

(almost inaudible) If anyone sees a set list, let us know. (loud feedback). Ow. Yeah. Got it...This is a song called 'Looking Inwardly'.

Looking Inwardly

This has got a rather strange title. This song is so new we haven't even learned it properly so if it falls apart, you'll forgive us, won't you ? No. Oh alright then. It's called 'Singing Rule Britannia (as the walls close in)'

Rule Britannia

Goodnight. Thank you. God bless.

666 Club, Manchester (1 May 1982)

Excellent sound quality.

Intro

Hi. We're The Chameleons. We are as organised as ever. This song's called 'Don't Fall'.

Don't Fall

Thank you. Back, fresh from our extensive tour of outer Mesopotamia. Welcome home boys. Up the down escalator.

Up The Down Escalator

We don't have set lists you see. we just play what we feel like playing so you'll have to be patient. This one's called 'Endless Space'.

Endless Space

The story of making a record.

In Shreds

This is called 'Films' uh, uh, uh.

Films

It must be very nice to be trendy, I would not sit in the bar and on the balcony.

Bleak and industrial we're not, and never will be - not for you, or you, up there, 'cos we don't f**kin' care.

This song is for these people who at least listened, you know and made some sort of enthusiastic motions.

This is called 'Things I wish I'd said'. We've got to go after this one - we can't have you all...

Things I Wish I'd Said

Beggars in the sky

Fulham Greyhound, London (4 August 1983)

This is a small venue on Fulham Palace Road. Little more than a long, narrow pub.

A Person isn't Safe

Thank you very much. Thursday's child has far to go.

Thursday's Child

Jane, I've forgotten to bring my drink up. Could you bring us one ? Who is ? (to requests for 'In Shreds') (audience replies 'You') Yeah - right.

Perfume Garden

Monkeyland

This song's not about sex but it could be, you know. It's called 'Pleasure and Pain'.

Pleasure and Pain

Don't Fall

Well you reach the point where you know it's only your second skin.

Films

A song about being...(inaudible)

Here Today

Thank you.

Rule Britannia

Paper Tigers

In Shreds

View from a hill

Thank you very much. Good night.

Nostalgia

Thank you.

As High as You Can Go

Futurama, Leeds (18 September 1983)

All day festival featuring several bands. These gigs often ran to a tight schedule so note the lack of the usual encores.

Good afternoon. Yes, we found it, yes. I don't want you to think I'm a pop merchant or anything but I've had the shits about this gig since tea time yesterday so if I make a few mistakes - well you know ?

Just a second while Dave gets to grips with the technology.

Don't Fall

Thank you.

Here Today

Well you reach the point when you know it's only your second skin...

Films

Thank you. (faint chants of 'Chameleons Barmy Army' and 'Manchester La, la, la' - MUFC football chant)

A Person Isn't Safe

Thursday's Child

Up The Down Escalator

Perfume Garden

Thank you.

In Shreds

Thank you. Well, it really has been fun. This is the last one.

Less Than Human

Thank you. Goodnight.

Bremen, Germany (20 December 1983)

Don't Fall

Thank you. We're going to do a song for you now called 'Here Today'.

Here Today

Danke Schon. Oh yeah - it's a nice coat, very nice coat. That's not it, is it ?

Thursday's Child

You can rip the seats up, if you want, you know. You can rip 'em out, if you want, and throw them away with our permission. This is the first seated gig we've ever done - you know what I mean - it's a bit weird.

A Person Isn't Safe

Less Than Human

Danke Schon. You might have noticed a slight technical hitch during that number but it doesn't matter, does it ? No - it doesn't matter. Good. This is called 'Pleasure and Pain'.

Pleasure and Pain

Ta. When your mate comes back, can you tell him if he walks on the stage again, I'm going to kick him in the teeth. This is called - what is it called ? Oh, we haven't got a title - it's a new one, is it ? Oh all right.

Films

Danke Schon. This is called 'Paper Tigers'.

Paper Tigers

MonkeyLand

Danke Schon.

One Flesh

Thank you very much. Ta.

Rule Britannia

Up The Down Escalator

View From A Hill

Hacienda, Manchester (6 April 1984)

Typical, packed, frenetic Manchester gig. Actually went to this one which is the main reason I bought the tape. Poor sound quality and precious few quotes between the songs. I think this was probably because Mark had to contend with sporadic fighting between over enthusiastic fans trying to get onto the stage and Hacienda 'doormen'. Also the Hacienda stage is quite small and I remember the band seemed to be quite cramped.

Intro

Thanks for coming down (audience 'You what '). I said - Thanks for coming down (loud cheers) (inaudible)..in case the backdrop comes down.

Don't Fall

Chants of 'Chameleons' Barmy Army'.

Return of the Roughnecks

A Person Isn't Safe

Thursday's Child

Wish I could tell you about a new record but I can't.

Here Today

Pleasure and Pain

Stop fighting - the light's are coming down.

Perfumed Garden

More chants of 'Chameleons' Barmy Army' and 'On the Stage'.

Monkeyland

Films

Intrigue in Tangiers

Paper Tigers

In Shreds

Rule Britannia

Splitting in Two

Ta. I'd just like say again Thanks for coming 'cos I know it's good here.

Up The Down Escalator

Don't Fall

Camden Palace, London (11 September 1984)

Don't Fall

Not having set lists has caused problems for these camera men. This is called 'Intrigue'.

Intrigue In Tangiers

Thanks. It's very nice. You skimped a bit on the dressing rooms though. It smells like bad eggs down there, in the bowels of the place. This is called 'Monkeyland'.

Monkeyland

Now then, now then what shall we play next ? (audience shouts requests) What ? Yeah, yeah. This is 'Second Skin'.

Films

Every time we do a gig, Reg drinks my drink and there's never any left for me. Do you want some Ribena ? 'Shreds' (audience). No. Rule Britannia.

Rule Britannia

(requests) Pleasure and pain ? Yeah - we'll do 'Pleasure and Pain' - we like that.

Pleasure and Pain

Don't forget keeping in time is very welcome, know what I mean ? What ? Yeah. Shall we play that ? Yeah - we'll do 'Roughnecks'. This is called 'Return of the Roughnecks'.

Return of the Roughnecks

Do you know when we'll have another record out ? (pause) Know what that means ? F**k knows. (laughter). Well let's play 'A Person Isn't Safe' 'cos we like that. Well we like 'em all but, you know, you have your favourites, don't you ?

A Person Isn't Safe

In Shreds

Luxor Theatre, Koln, Germany (20 June 1985)

Intro

Good evening everybody (whispered).

A Person isn't Safe

Thank you, Danke schon.

(aside) Andy - there's some problems with the keyboard, can you not hear it ?

Just a few problems. Ees OK.

Rule Britannia.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you.

A Person Isn't Safe

Return of the Roughnecks

Monkeyland

Oi - are you ready ?

Less Than Human

In Shreds

Intrigue In Tangiers

Danke Schon.

Paper Tigers

I am thanking you very much.

Pleasure and pain

Films

You're a long way from home (to request for 'Don't Fall'). This is called 'Home is where the heart is'

Home is where the heart is

Danke Schon. Auf wiedersehen.

Tomorrow Never Comes

Don't Fall

Thank you very much. Goodbye.

Frankfurt, Germany (23 November 1986)

Intro (unknown, jolly little instrumental ditty)

Swamp Thing

Mad Jack

Don't look back. If you want to dance, Jack.

A Person Isn't Safe.

Thank you very much. How are you ? Excuse the manners but I have a cold. That was about the rape of a woman. This is about the rape of a country and he starts it. 'Come on Mark' (audience). I am coming on.

Rule Britannia

Right. Another little happy song for you.

Less Than Human

Paradiso

Home Is Where The Heart Is

(Pause, audience shouts, tuning up). Sorry about that. All the lonely people, where do they all come from ?

Soul In Isolation

Intersperses bits of 'Mad Jack'

Splitting In Two

Is it a question of a University degree in Sociology ? Mark improvises snippets of a Fall song 'Rowche Rumble' - My baby's on Valium, my baby's on Valium - Rowche Rumble, ROWCHE RUMBLE is Valium'.

Manchester International (12 September 1986)

Great atmosphere. Great songs. Great concert. Great quotes. Only wish I'd been there.

Swamp Thing

Blimey, we are in demand aren't we ? This song's called 'Mad Jack'

Mad Jack

Ta. I'd like to make conversation you know, but my voice is going. You work me too hard - you know what I mean. All for 10 quid a week.

A Person Isn't Safe

Rule Britannia

Less Than Human

Tell 'em to move back ? Who do you think I am ? Moses ? Can you move back, he says. Move back. King Canute.

Paradiso

Home Is Where The Heart Is.

The management (laughs) has asked me to ask you : 'Would you please not stand on each other's shoulders ?' (audience roars). I suggest the next time he puts a crowd like this on, he loads them in in stacker trucks.

Soul In Isolation

Films

Pleasure and Pain

Caution

Be seeing you. Goodbye. You're showing your age there, aren't you (to requests for 'In Shreds') ?

Tomorrow Never Comes

Mark improvises 'I won't get fooled again' at the end.

You must have come here five years ago. Do you want me to tell you what 'In Shreds' was like or what ? (Mimics intro to 'In Shreds') No we're not doing 'In Shreds' but we're not, we're the bunch who wrote this.

Splitting in Two.

Mark improvises a few lines including 'Pass the paracetamol', 'Cha Cha Cha' (Marquis Cha Cha by The Fall ?) and then does a Chameleons on 45 compendium, including 'Strange Times' and 'Mad Jack'.

Is it a question of a University degree in Sociology ?

This tape then runs into a Bunnymen gig with 'Do It Clean' during which Ian McCulloch is also paying tribute to The Fall by interspersing verses from 'Totally Wired'.

Working title: the dangers of Facebook, online dating, stranger danger and gross stupidity.

The (now defunct) Chameleons remain one of my favourite bands but were responsible for the most embarrassing night of my life.

After the band reformed, I went to their London gigs and occasionally frequented the (now defunct) Wishville forums for discussion about the band, concert reviews, banter about football, discovering new bands - all the usual stuff we did before Twitter and Last.fm came along.

In November 2002. The Chameleons played a single date in London before a German tour. As I had struck up a friendship with a like minded individual on Wishville (liked footy, liked The Chameleons, liked a laugh) and exchanged messages with him, we arranged to meet up for a drink in Camden before going on to the gig.

Mark Burgess is a City fan, so he'd arranged the gig deliberately to clash with United playing Bayer Leverkeusen in the Champions League so I'd hoped to see most of the game before going to the venue.

Anyway, we exchanged mobile phone numbers, exchanged descriptions and arranged to meet in an Irish pub (public bar) that was showing the football. I didn't tell my Mummy in case she was worried about me meeting a strange man I'd recently met on the Interweb.

Inevitably, something screwed up on the night mainly because we are blokes. I can't recall precisely what happened but someone had a flat battery, lost their phone or told their Mummy so I arrived at this hostelry and furtively tried to identify this gentleman from a (Wedding) photo he'd shown me.

To cut a long story short, I couldn't find him and he couldn't find me. Worse, the footy wasn't been shown in the Irish pub or rather, I think Arsenal was being shown instead of United, so I went elsewhere to watch the game.

After a few beers and United taking a 2-0 lead, I made my way to Dingwalls. Now, there was no way I was going to make contact with my 'Internet acquaintance' in a packed venue so I was quite prepared to enjoy the support (Brian Glancy), soak up the pre-match atmosphere, drinking overpriced lager while watching the technicians twiddle buttons on amps, place guitars on stands and say 'One Two - One Two' into microphones while waiting for The Chameleons to take the stage.

Unfortunately, as always, alcohol intervened and as I watched Glancy performing, I happened to see a young lady who was also a regular on Wishville. This young lady spent every spare minute and every spare quid on watching bands and had traipsed around Germany and the States following The Chameleons on tour.

Unfortunately, I only knew 'Cath' by reputation and only recognised her by virtue of her distinctive dyed red hair. While I enjoyed her superb gig reviews, we'd never communicated directly so I didn't know her and she certainly didn't know me.

I should have just left it well alone but for some reason I didn't and I approached a complete stranger (a female one at that) and memorably opened with: 'Hi Cath. Do you know where Joe is ?'

Cath Aubergine (for that was her rather unusual name) broke off her conversation with her mate, turned to me and replied: 'Sorry - what ? Joe who ? Who are you ?'. There may have been the odd expletive thrown in for good measure.

'Joe - I arranged to meet him here but....'

Blank stare. Her mate is also now looking at me with a similar blank stare. 27.4 seconds left before the 6'2" boyfriend returns from the bar with their drinks.

'Look - you know. Joe - Mr. Moto. Have you seen him ?'

'Oh Mister Moto - why didn't you say ? But what's your name ?'

'Andy.'

'Sorry - did you say 'Andy' ?' Another piercing, blank, suspicious stare. Times two.

'Look. I'm RomanTotaleXVII on the forums but my real name's Andy, alright'. Christ - the embarrassment levels were now excruciating as we were having to shout this conversation above the noise of Bryan Glancy's set.

'Oh so you're RomanTotaleXVII but hang on - you're not RomanTotaleXVII any more. You are now...'

'Yeah, yeah I know. I'm now FieryJack.'

'Yeah - you're the guy who names himself after The Fall characters. Well why didn't you just say so ?'

And so it came to pass - Cath Aubergine led me to the bar area and introduced me to Mr. Moto (aka Joe Donellan).

'Hey Joe - I've got someone who wants to meet you. Here he is - RomanTotaleXVII'.

Last week, I travelled to Hamburg, near Germany, on business. As Mark Burgess (lead singer of The Chameleons) now lives there, I took the opportunity to send an email to one of my all-time heroes (even though he is a City fan).

Unfortunately, I guess Mark must be busy with his musical commitments as I haven't had the courtesy of a reply (yet).

Hi Mark

Excuse the intrusion but I am coming to Hamburg tomorrow on business. I'm staying at the SIDE hotel and need to know:

1. Location of Sports Bar that serves Boddies or strong German lager and will be showing MUFC versus QPR (Carling Cup).
2. Music venue with decent indie live music. My favourite bands are The Smiths, The Fall, The Chameleons, Pixies, Nirvana, Joy Division, Interpol, Editors, R.E.M though not necessarily in that order. Bands doing cover versions of any of the above are automatically excluded.
3. Decent bar where I can get a pint without being ripped off or beaten up.

PS. Enjoyed your book (which you kindly signed) a lot apart from the last chapter that left me a bit cold.

Peace, love, empathy - Andy

The Chameleons used to cover ATV's 'Splitting in Two' for an encore. Reg (guitar) played the drums and John (drums) played bass. Mark Burgess threw himself into the crowd and chaos ensued.

Burgess also used to improvise snippets of The Fall's 'Rowche Rumble' and occasionally Joy Division's 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' and some Beatles tune.

8 minutes of pure, manic, unsurpassed joy.

I once asked Mark Perry of ATV (via email) what he thought of the cover. He replied that he loved it and had even guested with The Chameleons for an encore at a gig at The Lesser Free Trade Hall.

Here is a series of email exchanges I had with Mark Burgess in late 1998. I converted the original text to HTML and corrected a couple of minor typos.

I'm a great fan of The Chameleons and recently was sad enough to transcribe a few quotes from bootlegs and put them on the Web.

Interesting, I'll check it out next time I'm online.

Were you a big fan of The Fall ? I just love the bit where you sing 'Rowche Rumble' in 'Splitting in Two'.

Yes I've always been a big fan of The Fall, since 1976 through all their many incarnations, my favourite being Mark Smith, Marc Riley, Una Baines, Karl Burns and Martin Bramah.

Was the dig about 'Bleak and industrial we're not and never will be' aimed at anyone in particular ? A Certain Ratio, Joy Division ? Those stupid bands from Sheffield who used to bang oil drums ?

No not really, it was something that was being said about us in reviews.

What was 'Paradiso' about ? It's one of my favourites together with Soul in Isolation (heard about the Jack London book) and 'Splitting'.

At the time I did Paradiso I wasn't sure, I just thought, shit, that's a weird one, where did that come from But later I realised that it focused on my experiences of Amsterdam and it kind of paints a Sodom and Gomorrah picture of it.

God, it really was you.

Please don't call me God, plain Mark will do...

Yeah - since I mailed you I read an interview on 'Home is Where The Heart Is' where you list all your musical influences.

What's 'Home Is Where The Heart Is'?

I saw The Fall many times and have got tons of their bootlegs. Haven't seen them in years though.

No me neither, actually Karen Latham, who WAS to be our Bass player in 'Invincible' has decided to join The Fall instead, funny how things turn out isn't it?

Were you a fan of The Smiths ? Used to go and see them a lot too.

Yeah, I've been going through a phase recently of playing all those records again, they still sound great.

I going to *have* to get the tape with the cover of Buzzcocks' 'Breakdown' now.

Yeah you know someone asked me about that once and I was saying "nah, we never covered that" and then he pulled the cassette out and played it. I have no memory of it what so ever.

Also we used to have drunken rows about whether 'Paper Tigers' was written about 'Killing Joke' - I don't remember where it originated - any truth to that one ?

Yeah a little bit, we were down to support them once in Leicester, they turned up 4 hours late for their sound check so when it came to our turn their crew jerked us around, a two minute job, and the band were all standing at the side of the stage when we started shouting about it, so me and Dave ran at them with our guitars and they legged it back to their dressing room. We pulled out of the gig. They came and said sorry later and wanted us to do the rest of the tour but we told them to f**k off.

I think all this obsession with lyrics and what bands thought of each other was interlinked with the MUFC/Liverpool scouse football rivalry (violence) and the fact the Mark E. Smith kept slagging the Bunnymen and the Crucial Three off in interviews. Also The Passage wrote 'A Certain Way To Go' which was definitely about ACR.

Ah The Passage, another of my all time favourite bands.

I guess you probably find people still obsessed by The Chameleons as irritating as requests for 'In Shreds' but still...

No I'm not the slightest bit irritated, the only time it bugs me is when the media go on about Chameleons when you're trying to get something new across, in interviews or on the radio or something. But generally I'm very proud of all the stuff I've done.

Thanks a lot for taking the time to reply.

No problem, bye for now.

I once saw a gig in Camden once where your voice was f**ked and some lads from the audience got up for their 5 minutes of fame but the show was abandoned.

Yeah I remember that gig, it was really bad 'cause a Geffen Rep had flown in specially to check out the band and I was miffed 'cause Johnny Marr had come down to see us....

It happened again years later with The Sun And The Moon, a gig for Children In Need. Again I invited someone up from the audience and this lad got up and not only did he know all the words but he sounded so like me it was SPOOKY...

I've also got bootlegs where you refer to problems with 'my voice going again'.

Yeah and it was ages before I sussed out what the problem was, it turned out to be air conditioning, whenever I shared a room or a car with AC my throat would dry up and my voice would go.

Did Dave/Reg/anyone else ever do vocals ?

Dave used to do backing vocals, but it got so that he'd have moods, either too much whizz or not enough hash, and then between songs he'd start really laying into the audience, slagging them off. Then when I'd start the song they'd all be looking at me through red mists, in the end I took the mike away from him :-)

Did you explicitly change your vocal style ?

Well it did change, I know 'cause when I listen to the early stuff I think fuck But I didn't do it consciously.

Thoroughly enjoying Margave of the Marshes and pleased to see The Chameleons get a mention:

For David Fielding of The Chameleons, that meant loitering outside Broadcasting House in order to press their tape directly into John's paw. In the case of The Chameleons, John thought he was the victim of a practical joke after listening to their demo: the recording was so accomplished that he suspected he had been given a cassette of an established band.

...although this slightly contradicts the note that John Peel sent back to the band where Peel describes the tape as 'Very muffled'.

A few years, when Mark Burgess got married, I made a paltry contribution to a wedding present. A few weeks later, I was staggered to receive an email from Mark Burgess thanking me together with a draft chapter of his (still unpublished) autobiography. Mark also describes travelling down to London and hanging around outside Broadcasting House with a tape.

On Monday, I received two DVDs (Ascension) containing 225 minutes from some of the last shows by The Chameleons in San Francisco from October 2002.

Great songs, great lyrics, great artwork. Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.

PS. Don't bother commenting that this contravenes rule 3. I know.

Mark Burgess once introduced 'Here Today' with these words.

I just read on The Chameleons message board that Mancunian musician, Bryan Glancy, died at the weekend. I didn't know Bryan Glancy. I never met Bryan Glancy. I just happened to see him supporting The Chameleons in Camden back in November 2002. Just very sad for his friends and family to think of another young person gone before his time.

Elsewhere, four young people are convicted of manslaughter (not murder) for kicking a man to death in a random attack on London's South Bank.

A person isn't safe anywhere these days.

A long time ago, there was a unique band called The Chameleons who hailed from Middleton, Manchester.

Like a lot of bands, The Chameleons made some records, built up a dedicated following, played lots of gigs and then split up.

Like a lot of bands, The Chameleons reformed.

Like a lot of bands, The Chameleons made some more records, played some more gigs and then split up (again).

However, unlike a lot of bands, the lead singer, Mark Burgess, once went to a private individual's house and played at their birthday party.

Now, I don't like to namedrop but I met Mark Burgess once. It was just before a gig at The Garage in Highbury. I had a very brief chat about his life in Hamburg, United's prospects against Bayer Leverkeusen in the semi, ticket sales and whether he could put me on the guest list.

Years before that, I also had an email exchange with him. I forget most of the details but will always remember his response to my 'God - it really was you' which was 'Please don't call me God, plain Mark will do'.