To liven up tonights Champions League Final between Arsenal and Barcelona, score the following number of points for each and every mention of the following: 1 - The English clubs who have won the European Cup (MUFC, Liverpool, Nottingham Forest). Score double for Aston Villa. 2 - The Scottish club who have won the European Cup (Celtic). 2 - Patrick Viera. 3 - Sol Campbell’s ‘state of mind’. 4 - The fact that Barcelona have only lifted the trophy once. 4 - Thierry Henry’s future (‘Staying’). Score double for ‘Going’. 4 - Price of blackmarket tickets outside the stadium. 5 - Idiotic Norwegian linesman who donned a Barcelona shirt. 5 - Arsenal already qualified for Champions League thanks to ’that lasagne’. 5 - He’s only played twice this season (Ashley Cole). 10 - ‘EEENNN- RRREEE !!!!’. Score double if Martin Tyler actually reaches a climax. 20 - Pitchside analysis at half-time from Townsend/McCoist. Score double if fans manage to drown it out. 20 - Only he (Ronaldinho) could produce that. 25 - Sven Goran Eriksson will be pleased/shocked/worried/annoyed about that. Score double for ‘ashamed’. 1000 - Thierry Henry saying ‘I’m leaving’ in the post match interview.

BBC News 24 mistakenly interviewed the wrong man about music downloads. The original news story was funny enough but the actual footage (his face at the start of the interview) is absolutely hilarious. I sincerely hope the BBC reward this gentleman with the job he was applying for.

Originally, I was going to post about my visit last week to the Microsoft campus in Redmond on a training course. The technical workshop was excellent: there were some great presentations and interesting speakers; we covered a lot of material in 3 days; there was a refreshing lack of marketing fluff; there was a lot of hands-on practical exercises; I learned a lot; I met some interesting people and our hosts at Microsoft were very friendly and hospitable. ...

510 - duration in minutes of the (direct) flight from LHR to SEA 0 (zero) - number of times my immediate neighbour left his seat to stretch his legs, visit the lavatory or chat with his friend in 37B. Truly impressive. 6 - number of times my neighbour politely declined offers of drinks or sustenance from the cabin crew 1029 - number of times the person behind found it necessary to delve into the back seat pocket for his copy of ‘High Life’, the sick bag or the In Flight Shopping magazine ...

Oracle have an interesting collaborative project (MegaGrid) to develop a very large grid database designed to stretch technical and infrastructure resources to the absolute limit. I also gathered from the informative US news media that a cat had been trapped up a tree in a Seattle suburb and that (shock, horror, gasp) the US Government has secretly been tracking all phone calls since 9/11. This appeared to be a big, breaking news story but seeing as US immigration took the trouble to take my fingerprints and photograph on entry to (and departure from) the US, I honestly didn’t think that the Homeland Security department would simply discard this data. ...

Maybe it’s just me but I have a slight unease about sitting next to a stranger who is reading email. Obviously, I try to avert my gaze but sometimes you can’t help but read the words on the screen, no matter how banal. Mind you, some people might consider it slightly rude to be even scanning email on a training course where the instructor is spending time and energy trying to teach you. ...

Kurt Cobain. Seattle. 8 April 1994. Cremated and ashes scattered into the Wishkah river. I vividly remember hearing the news of Kurt Cobain’s death. I was listening to the radio sitting in a hospital car park about to see my son who was born on the same day. One door closes. Another one opens.

I happened to be in Macclesfield at the weekend and went over to the Crematorium to see Ian Curtis’ plaque. I was never fortunate enough to ever see Joy Division live but I vividly remember returning from a United game and watching them perform ‘Transmission’ and ‘She’s Lost Control’ on a local TV program ‘Something Else’. Ian Curtis was a very ill man and hanged himself on the eve of a US tour. ...

Rooney will (and should not) play no part whatsoever. He should not even travel. Eriksson should play 4-5-1 with Owen upfront if fit. Otherwise Defoe. Midfield of Gerrard, Lampard, Cole and Beckham with Carrick in the holding role. Eriksson has absolutely nothing to lose. He is leaving so why should he give a hoot what the public/media think. However, he will care and will play Crouch/Owen upfront with a lop-sided midfield and England will be lucky to get out of the group stages. ...

I am going on a training course about Oracle RAC at Microsoft’s offices in Redmond (near America) so I get to wear chinos and a polo shirt and play with an Xbox in reception. In fact, it’s even better than that. This course is actually described as a ‘Technical Hands-On Workshop’. My only previous exposure to RAC was a few years ago, rote learning the Oracle manuals parrot fashion for an interview at a large UK Telco. The interviewer was an experienced, senior Oracle DBA and, inevitably, much to my embarassment, he found me out almost immediately. ...