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I am really sorry that we have 125 German tourists staying in the hotel.

The waitress actually meant Sorry for the delay but we have... but it still reminded me of Fawlty Towers and raised a smile

Psst. I have managed to beat the banning order and have now safely arrived in Stockholm (near Sweden). I evaded the hordes of police spotters at Heathrow by checking in immediately behind a screaming infant with a glum face (me not the baby). I also sported a linen jacket and a laptop to complete my cunning disguise.

I was proudly telling a group of German ladies from Munich (World Cup widows) of my escapades in the confines of the hotel lift. There was a lengthy pause and they all looked really interested (or perplexed) until a Deutsche Fraulein uttered:

'Until you insert your door card in that slot, we won't even be going to the 10th floor let alone Nuremberg, Englischer Dummkopf'.

Someone recently asked me at a dinner party: So, Norman, tell me what you do in life ?. I spontaneously replied: I help people read books. The lady (for it was a she) exclaimed: Oh how absolutely fabulous. You are a teacher. Err, well, no. I actually work in IT. Oh I see. You work in training. Why didn't you just say so ?' 'Err, well no. I am a sort of IT consultant'.

Anyway, after an embarrassing stony silence, thankfully I managed to steer the conversation to the safer domain of the wide range of choices for secondary school education in our locality. This fascinating subject occupied us right through until the desert and coffee were served.

But the point I was trying to make was that Siebel and Oracle are incredibly large, complicated, wide ranging software products. I have worked with Siebel for three years and Oracle for a little longer but there are still so many areas and modules in both products that I have no practical experience of whatsoever.

I remember once reading Tom Kyte stating that he did not have access to the Oracle source code nor did he did not have a hotline to RDBMS engineering. The basis of his wealth of extensive Oracle knowledge was primarily the documentation set. I remember being hugely impressed by this simple statement. [ Sorry I did look but failed to locate the reference ]

I am a Siebel 'consultant' trying to help people use Siebel more effectively. Most of the information needed to help customers use Siebel more effectively is actually contained in the documentation. The only problem is that the 'documentation' is simply overwhelming as it includes the manuals, FAQ's, Alerts, Release Notes, Service Requests etc etc.

I have a couple of advantages: Firstly, I am continually exposed to a wide variety of different Siebel related issues day after day so I so have a degree of experience of real-world problems (and hopefully the resolution).

Secondly, and more importantly, I do have access to a network of highly talented, intelligent individuals with far more experience and intelligence than yours truly. Now this wouldn't be an advantage unless that group of people were prepared to share their knowledge and I am pleased to say that they are. This isn't necessarily true at all companies I have worked for.

Normally, I lug my heavy laptop, hanging over my shoulder, attached to my body like a young helpless infant, all around Europe. Today I was in Stockholm and the weather was unusually hot (30'C). To reach the office, I had to take a train and a tube in the morning rush hour. Consequently, I left the laptop behind in the hotel and arrived onsite free from back pain and feeling blissfully liberated.

I told the customer that we would purely be using the public documentation that is freely available to me and him. No hidden cheat-sheets, no private internal emails, no top tips from engineering. He was impressed (I think).

Then, of course, inevitably, we hit a very obtuse, bizarre problem, neither of us had encountered before so it was time to make another call on that network.

Maybe a fraction too late for Doug Burns (whose Blogger blog has been recently hijacked) but WordPress have just announced the availability of XML import/export utilities, primarily for switching between self-hosted and WordPress.com blogs but may also be useful for backing up your blog and facilitating other platform migrations.

Tempting, very tempting

Another criteria for the inverse law of airports. The strange thing is, you are most susceptible and sensitive to a screaming, inconsolable baby when you don't possess any yourself.

However, when you are a (recent) parent, you are too consumed with guilt and embarrassment to even care what other people think.

Or, if you are an (experienced) parent, travelling abroad on business, you tend to side with Frank Skinner, who memorably said:

'Oh she's tired. Bless her'.

'Well actually no she isn't, if she was 'tired', she would be asleep not screaming blue murder'.

The larger the airport, the longer it takes to drive there, check in, clear security, order a sandwich, find a seat in the lounge, secure a taxi.

In my limited experience, Heathrow Terminal 3 is pretty poor. Some small, anonymous airfield in Switzerland is the best. You pick up your own bags from the runway, walk to an empty terminal building and you even get to stamp your own passport.

BTW - England have just beaten Argentina 1-0 in the World Cup. Owen took a dive for a penalty converted by Beckham and Nicky Butt was absolutely outstanding.

My mailbox is bulging with letters from recent and occasional visitors worried that they may have missed some WordPress themes in the recent blitzkrieg of posts during the ongoing and exciting Theme rotation policy.

Worry ye not. I am meticulously capturing screen dumps of each theme in a Flickr photoset so the poll will be absolutely fair and equitable (and Regulus will win).

The current theme is Banana Smoothie. I wonder if coffee enthusiast and cocktail maker, Jon Emmons, might be voting for this one.

1. Describing your state of mind. I really don't care whether you are happy, sad, somewhere in between or suicidal because your girlfriend dumped you.

2. Describing your state of health. I really don't want to read about your flu like symptoms, your hangover, your runny nose or your migraine headache. Otherwise you will give me one.

3. Telling me what music you are listening to. You like your music. I like my music. We may share some common interests but it really doesn't matter.

4. Playing me your music. It is more likely that we won't share musical tastes so please don't force your music onto me. Particularly, if it is your own work with your mates.

5. Crazy, colourful Flash animations. I may have a headache too. This may make it worse.

6. Dull, boring tedious lists of (del.icio.us) links. At least, annotate them with why they are interesting to you.

7. Pleading and begging for 'Comments' by asking a question at the end of the article. For example, 'So what you all think about Google Operating System ?' or 'So what 4 blogging tools would you pack up and take to a desert island ?'.

Apologies to all you Oracle Bloggers.

Excessive traffic levels to my new Web journal on Blogger appears to have breached the 'tipping point' and tipped it right over the edge.

Blogger is unavailable (again). Two nights running. Hmm.

...and it really hurt.

I continue to be intrigued by this article (I have now read it 67 times and still can't make any sense of it whatsoever). I simply love the title so I thought I would blatantly plagiarise it. I also adore the Anonymous comments of 'Not bad' and 'Nice job'. Damned with faint praise.

Anyway, my shiny new blog in question is over here. Before you gleefully note that I have finally seen the light and have reverted to Blogger, this is simply an experiment to look at the Google Analytics dashboard and various detailed traffic reports. [GA requires Javascript which precludes its use on WordPress.com]. Inevitably, after a separation of six months, Blogger was sulking and unavailable last night.

Q: What is the significance of the name 'Factory51' ? Answers on a postcard to /dev/null.