Can. Not. Parse. Input. Does. Not. Compute. Segmentation violation. Kernel panic.

‘You see - Thora Hird. I am aware of her work. You fancy her.’

I passed through many customs, immigration and security checks at various Australian airports in the last three weeks. Each airport has its own variant on a dire warning that reads: ‘Flippant, amusing or sarcastic remarks will not be tolerated. Offenders may be subject to a $500,000 fine and/or 10 years in jail’. Of course, we didn’t tell Norman Junior III that. My - how we all laughed when he followed our advice and proudly (and loudly) announced to the customs official at Brisbane airport. ...

After I finally got over the shock of Michael Jackson (I suspect Mr. Pharmacist with the white pills and syringe in the study) and being genuinely saddened at the recent death of Sir Bobby Robson, I’m not sure I can take any more. Just heard some really crap news. Benson, the world’s largest living carp, is no longer living. Benson, who loved disco dancing, weighed 64 lbs and was between 20 and 25 years old (apparently, Benson lied about his age a lot - similar to Jane Fonda) has died. ...

I’m not a big fan of zoos but in Brisbane, we visited Australia Zoo as it had beenrecommended by a few people. Also, we were keen to see some native Australian wildlife during our stay. I also assumed that Steve Irwin would ensure that the animals were kept in a natural and humane environment. We all enjoyed the day out. We saw crocodiles snapping at a white bucket, the kids fed pellets to kangaroos and wallabies and we cuddled sleepy koalas. We also saw dingos, echidnas, possums, macaws, snakes, wombats, turtles, tigers and the world famous Australian elephant (shurely shome mistake here - Ed). ...