I passed through many customs, immigration and security checks at various Australian airports in the last three weeks. Each airport has its own variant on a dire warning that reads: ‘Flippant, amusing or sarcastic remarks will not be tolerated. Offenders may be subject to a $500,000 fine and/or 10 years in jail’. Of course, we didn’t tell Norman Junior III that. My - how we all laughed when he followed our advice and proudly (and loudly) announced to the customs official at Brisbane airport. ...

After I finally got over the shock of Michael Jackson (I suspect Mr. Pharmacist with the white pills and syringe in the study) and being genuinely saddened at the recent death of Sir Bobby Robson, I’m not sure I can take any more. Just heard some really crap news. Benson, the world’s largest living carp, is no longer living. Benson, who loved disco dancing, weighed 64 lbs and was between 20 and 25 years old (apparently, Benson lied about his age a lot - similar to Jane Fonda) has died. ...

I’m not a big fan of zoos but in Brisbane, we visited Australia Zoo as it had beenrecommended by a few people. Also, we were keen to see some native Australian wildlife during our stay. I also assumed that Steve Irwin would ensure that the animals were kept in a natural and humane environment. We all enjoyed the day out. We saw crocodiles snapping at a white bucket, the kids fed pellets to kangaroos and wallabies and we cuddled sleepy koalas. We also saw dingos, echidnas, possums, macaws, snakes, wombats, turtles, tigers and the world famous Australian elephant (shurely shome mistake here - Ed). ...

Since I started this blog almost four years ago, I have posted every month. Until last month - July 2009. To accentuate the radio silence effect, this blog was also completely offline for the latter two weeks of July 2009 (PHP/FastCGI configuration problem at Bluehost).

Just got back from three weeks in Australia visiting family and friends. Countries: 3 (England, Singapore, Australia) Cities: 7 (Singapore, Brisbane, Hamilton Island, Perth, Broome, Kununurra, Darwin) Red rock formations: Too many to mention Best airport: Singapore - free gadget recharging points and Internet access Worst airport: LHR T4 - building site, long queues, surly staff Wildlife: Kangaroos, wallabies, crocodiles, spiders and, err, terrifying budgerigars States: 3 (QLD, WA, NT) Flights: 11 Airlines: 2 (Quantas, JetStar) Miles: 26,341 Music: ‘These wooden ideas’ - Idlewild Newspapers: Zero

Last year, I found an ancient 56Kb dialup modem lurking in a cupboard. I fondly remembered the days of dangling the extension cable diagonally across the bedroom floor (which often tripped unsuspecting visitors up) and mentally replayed the connection tone. And now Virgin Media announce 50Mb for £28.

Exclusive - the Manchester City 2009-2010 Premiership winning lineup in full. Goalkeeper - Given Defence - Dunne, Richards Midfield - Barry, Ireland Attack - Tevez, Robinho, Adebayor, Santa Cruz, Wright-Phillips, Bellamy Anyone spot the deliberate mistake ?

Sorry but I just can’t help myself.

John Cooper Clarke recited punk poetry while The Buzzcocks performed some punk karaoke but the real stars of the show were, inevitably, The Fall. I just posted a brief review of the concert over on The Fall forum (blogging is so last year).

I probably shouldn’t ask this question and watch a ‘CSI New York’ box set to find the answer but still… Bodies are now being recovered from the fateful Air France flight 447 that crashed in the Atlantic ocean and the authorities are requesting DNA samples from relatives in order to identify the deceased. So, what exactly does 7 days in sea water do to the human body ?