The perfect job for Aishah Azmi. Maybe this time, she should go dressed for the interview as she intends to carry out the job.

Apologies for the brief radio silence. I was shocked and alarmed by this news on Wednesday so I have been busy purging my blog of all contentious, provocative, controversial articles and erasing every last trace of my true identity (which is Norman Brightside, 23 Baker Street, London) to an amusing pseudonym that can never, ever be traced (even by clever people from Essex). I have also taken the sensible precaution of moving house and going X-directory. ...

Arsene Wenger is bleating about a referee who ‘doesn’t see things that exist’. This is the ultimate irony from a man who, after 10 years, still constantly fails to see things that do exist on a football pitch. Thierry Henry is a superb footballer but should similarly be discouraged from giving post-match interviews after a defeat. His moaning, whinging performance almost rivalled his self-pitying rant following his dismal showing in the European Cup Final. ...

There is nothing worse than a blog entry titled ‘Dear Diary’ - hence the title - but this is my humble submission for ’ One Day in History’ so please forgive me. Of course, I could author this piece directly on the site but that would mean checking I am within the 650 word limit which is far too much work (unless I use Microsoft Word). Get up at 7am and unload dishwasher. My one and only household chore but one I perform very well. Breakfast of cereal, tea and orange juice. ...

Today I have accepted a new and challenging position after a series of gruelling, demanding interviews and in depth technical tests. My new role is working for Dreamhost as a BMC Patrol Monitor Agent. My key responsibilities are as follows: Write a blog article offline using Performancing. Post draft. Preview article in WYSIWG format on the blog. Blog is slow and unresponsive. ssh to Dreamhost server which is slow and unresponsive. Run ‘w’ to determine load average which is slow and unresponsive. Raise ticket with Dreamhost technical support. Wait for a period of time. The performance problem is ‘resolved’. Perm any one from: ...