Posts in category "travel"

Once upon a time, I flew back from Lausanne in Switzerland to London. Although the skies were clear, there had been heavy thunderstorms earlier in the day so the plane was forced to hold above Heathrow. We flew around and around in circles for so long that we eventually had to divert to Bournemouth to refuel.

This impromptu diversion confused the trio of Swiss people sitting behind me who thought London was 'quite small' and 'very green' and why 'is no-one getting off' after we had landed and sat around for 15 minutes on the runway at this small, provincial airport.

This confusion was because British Airways were too incompetent to put a French speaker on the crew on a flight from Switzerland. In fact, when he realised he wasn't actually in London, one of the Swiss passengers then politely asked a stewardess why no announcements had been made in French.

Events then descended into farce when the stewardess then made an announcement for 'any French speaking passengers to make themselves known to the cabin staff'. The same Swiss passenger duly volunteered and he then made an announcement over the loudspeaker system directed primarily at his two fellow Swiss passengers who were sitting right there, next to him.

So, after a complimentary drink to placate the Brits and prevent rioting, we finally arrived 2 hours 30 mins late at London Heathrow. The final straw was that it took British Airways a further 45 minutes to get a set of steps and buses over to the remote stand at Terminal 4 so we could actually leave the plane.

As I finally left the plane at 21.45 on a Friday night, I was tired, fed up and just desperate to get home. The pilot was stood at the exit door, smiling and saying 'Good night' to all passengers.

I paused and told him that, while I understood that the diversion due to the weather was unavoidable, it was an absolute joke that the British Airways could not arrange for ground staff to meet a plane that was over 2 hours late. The only consequence for me was that my tea was cold. However, plenty of other passengers on that flight were desperately trying to make connections to America and Asia. If the steps had been in place, they might just have had a slim chance of making their onward connection. With this additional delay, there was absolutely no chance.

The pilot just smiled again (which was quite irritating in itself) and replied 'Yes I know Sir. It is embarrassing and bloody unacceptable and I can assure you that I have made my views known in no uncertain terms.'

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a posh hotel in Oslo. I returned to my room after a hard days work, looking forward to a very expensive glass of beer.

I swiped my card and entered room 216. To my surprise, I found a strange man in there. He was emerging from the bathroom but thankfully, he was fully clothed and alone.

My immediate reaction was to rapidly withdraw, apologising profusely. 'Oh I am awfully sorry. I appear to have the wrong room'. As the layout and decor of the hotel was identical on each floor, I just assumed that I had mistakenly entered room 316 (instead of 216).

I checked my key (room 216) and I checked the little wallet holder (room 216). I then stared blankly at the number on the door of the room I had just entered - 216 - when the door opened and the gentleman appeared again. I managed a quick peek into the room and saw my book on the desk and my alarm clock by the bed.

The American stranger smiled and said: 'Hey, you know. I think it might be me who has the wrong room' and we agreed to go downstairs to reception.

American: 'There is a problem. I appear to have been given this gentleman's room.'

Receptionist: 'Room number, please ?'

American: 'Room 216.'

Receptionist: 'Name ?'

American: 'Costner'

Receptionist: 'There is no problem. You are in room 216 and have the key for room 216.'

American: 'But this gentleman is already staying in room 216' (gestures towards me).

I step forward to the desk amazed at what I have heard thus far.

Receptionist: 'Name ?'

Me: 'Brightside'

Receptionist: 'Room number ?'

Me: '216.'

Receptionist: 'Mr Brightside. You checked out of room 216 at 08.45 this morning.'

Me: 'No I didn't. I am booked to stay here until tomorrow morning.'

Receptionist: 'No. Mr Brightside. You checked out of room 216 at 08.45 this morning and paid in full with a credit card.'

Me: 'No I didn't.'

Receptionist: 'Yes you did.'

[ To avoid an English pantomime exchange developing and as I was getting increasingly annoyed...]

Me: 'OK then. If I checked out of room 216 this morning, you must have a copy of my bill and the the credit card slip with my signature on it ?'

Receptionist: 'Yes, Sir. We do.'

Me: 'Please can I see it then.'

Receptionist: 'Yes.'

[ Walks off into office, obviously disgruntled ]

Receptionist: 'I'm awfully sorry, Mr Brightside. There has been a terrible mistake.'