Posts in category "football"

Last night, I took Norman Junior III to visit the new, improved Wembley stadium last night to see England play Switzerland in a friendly.

After paying homage to Sherlock Holmes, we changed at a packed Baker Street for the fast Metropolitan line to Wembley Park. We stood on the platform as one train departed and I was just contemplating whether we should 'go for it' when the next train arrived or step aside and wait for the next one.

A well dressed lady was complaining to a London Transport official: 'Listen - I've been here for 25 minutes and I just can't get on any train.' 'Well I'm awfully sorry madam but we currently have 90,000 football fans going to Wembley.' 'I can see that but I do need to get home. It's an absolute disgrace. What about all the ordinary people ?'

Thankfully, my dithering indecision was abruptly removed by the late arrival of some shaven headed Ing-er-land fans who charged up the steps, ran towards the closing doors and whisked us both up and onto the underground train into a packed carriage. Well, to be fair it was positively spacious compared with the Waterloo & City line on a weekday morning.

Three Swiss lads were then subjected to a deep probing English inquisition from curious Ing-er-land fans.

'Hey mate, what language do you speak then ?' 'In Switzerland, we speak Swiss-German.'

'Hey mate, what's the capital of Switzerland then ?' 'Zurich'

A brief lull and respite for the Swiss visitors before a final burst of alcohol fuelled inspiration:

'Hey mate, can you sort a bank account out for me ?'

Cue uproarious laughter all round - well from those passengers who were able to move their rib cages.

Walked down Wembley Way watching day trippers taking photos and entered the stadium. Wondered what qualifications are needed to be an 'Escalator Steward' and took our seats high up in the South stand with an excellent view.

Much to my surprise, the minute's silence for Munich was observed by the vast majority of supporters.

England appeared in yet another away kit (available from all good sports outfitters in March). The decision to play in the away strip for a home fixture was puzzling but it transpired that Capello ordered this after hearing that Ashley Cole 'preferred playing away'.

At least, we were both cheering a team in Red with Rooney, Ferdinand and Brown (or rather Wes Orange). The game got underway, Brown endured a nightmare opening 45 minutes and Matthew Upson is undoubtedly the most one-footed player ever to don an England shirt.

Switzerland were neat and tidy and comfortable on the ball without really threatening the goal.

England were playing 4-1-4-1 and looked nervous. For the first 40 minutes I don't think I have seen so many sideways and backwards passes since Ray Wilkins played for United.

While I didn't hear any booing, there was the occasional Beckham chant and increasing unrest in the unpadded seats as half-time approached.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, something happened - Joe Cole remembered he was an attacker, took a defender on and Jermaine Jenas gratefully scored the first goal under Fabio Capello's regime.

After an overpriced drink, we were staggered to head the announcer proclaim 'Please welcome the teams back for the second half - Here they are, protecting their 1-0 lead - England !' The Italian influence already seems to be pervasive.

The second half improved markedly until the Swiss had the temerity to score with a well taken goal. The Swiss contingent rang their cow-bells and chanted 'La Suisse'. Ing-er-land fans responded with 'We know you speak Swiss-German and Zurich is your capital city.'

The hard working England captain, Stevie Gerrrraaaarrrrd, got to the dead ball line and crossed for substitute Sean Wright-Phillips for another tap-in.

Peter Crouch came on, Cashley Cole went off to a solitary shout of 'Where's your Cheryl gone ?' and Wayne Rooney dropped a little deeper. In fact, he was so deep he was playing at left back, conceding corners and passing balls down the line to Wayne Bridge.

England continued to press for another goal and an otherwise impressive David James made his inevitable token error, flapping at a high cross.

Die hard, loyal fans who apparently are 'Ing-er-land till I die' decided to avoid the queues at Wembley Park and streamed out of the stadium. When the full-time whistle blew, the stadium was half-full. Part time supporters.

The game ended 2-1 for England. The remaining Ing-er-land fans were happy and we started the long journey home via Wembley Central herded together like cattle on the station approach with a £6 program for company.

Blue Balloon
You saw me standing alone
All those balloons in front of Joe Hart
Without a red balloon of my own
Blue Balloon
You know just what I was there for
You heard Michael Ball saying a prayer for A FA Cup medal he really
could care for
And then a ball suddenly appeared before me
The only one my feet will miss
I heard somebody scream please puncture me
But when I looked to the ref it was in the goal

I was almost tempted to let Kevin Keegan's re-appointment as manager of Newcastle pass without comment.

After Mourinho's departure, the Premiership (and the media) desperately needs some more characters and soundbites.

However, I just read that since his departure from Manchester City, Keegan has been running a football circus. YCNMIU.

The ideal preparation for his latest role. And just for old times sake, take a second to remember this classic (in full).

Let the mind games begin.

After thoroughly enjoying watching Arsenal defeat Sunderland at the Emirates, I resolved to get off my barstool and try to get to see more live football in 2008.

Consequently, I have just purchased two tickets (South Level 5) for England versus Switzerland in a friendly on Wednesday 6 February.

Of course, I already know what the outcome will be but I am keen to visit the new Wembley Stadium and show Norman Junior what real England supporters are like.

Whatever next - a United away perhaps.

You can take the lad out of Liverpool but you can't take Liverpool out of the lad.

I always was led to believe that Bobby Charlton and George Best didn't get on. I read it in books and interviews and heard it from various different sources. Of course, this fact wasn't a total surprise as the two gentlemen did appear to be completely different personalities with rather contrasting interests and, err, hobbies.

A month ago, I saw Charlton interviewed by Michael Parkinson where he recounted his memories of the Munich air crash. Charlton also talked about the frustration of playing alongside Best:

'So I made a run forward 'Pass it George, pass it.' George dribbles down the wing and cuts back inside. I move into space. 'Here George - pass it here. Now'. George continues on a mazy run past another three defenders. I move into the box 'George - come on. For God's sake, pass it now - oh what a great goal, George.'

Then Bobby Charlton recalled visiting Best with Dennis Law during his final days in a London hospital. Best was drugged and drifting in and out of consciousness and didn't recognise his two friends. Bobby Charlton had tears in his eyes and his voice was quivering. It really was an incredibly moving and emotional moment.

So, if anyone tells you Bobby Charlton hated George Best, just ask them to watch that interview.

London - 5 November 2007

The football world was left reeling after Norman Brightside was fired last night. The long serving manager of Whiteside Wanderers was summarily dismissed when the club released a terse statement on their website.

'36 points. That's rubbish. You're fired.'

After a pre-season of great promise, big money transfers and high expectations from fans, Whiteside Wanderers have endured a poor start to the season and are positioned second from bottom after a string of inconsistent performances and bad results.

Brightside defended his record: 'Don't look at me. Look at the players. They just haven't performed. The team has continually been wracked by injuries (Scholes, Rooney), suspensions (Ronaldo, Carsson) and loss of form (Berbatov).'

The Chairman offered a slightly different view: 'The manager's lost it. He has made some bizarre selections (Noble, McShefferey). His stubborn refusal to even contemplate the purchase of a Liverpool or Manchester City player was the last straw. I negotiated a deal with Liverpool to get Gerrard for £56 million but he refused. The man is a stubborn idiot and is living in a fantasy world.'

Brightside was left fuming at claims he had 'lost the dressing room'. 'That's absolutely absurd. The dressing room is on the right just after the toilets. I can find it with my eyes shut.'

Brightside was coy about his plans for the future and refused to confirm or deny rumours of a £7.50 pay-off. The tabloid press are convinced he will team up with Sammy Lee and take over at managerless Stevenage, a Subbuteo team languishing in the Ryman Premier League.

'Some think Stevenage would be a retrograde step but there's great potential there. Besides, Sammy wants to go somewhere where the players look up to him.'

Q: Who on earth could manage to screw up a Cup draw involving just four teams ?

A: The Scottish FA.

Reminds me of a funny Not The Nine O'Clock News sketch where the draw is made for the FA Cup Final.

'Number 2 - Arsenal ...will play

Number 1 - Liverpool and that completes the draw for the FA Cup Final. '

I was lucky enough to accompany Norman Junior to the Emirates Stadium yesterday to see Arsenal thrash Sunderland 3-2. An ex-colleague has two season tickets (Section C, Row 4) and kindly offered them to me.

Although Arsenal aren't my team, it was still great to go and see a match as opposed to my usual viewpoint perched on my barstool.

The Emirates Stadium is really impressive. The view for all spectators is superb, there is plenty of legroom and the seats are actually padded.

We had a brilliant view from row 4 in the Arsenal 'end' and we watched the Arsenal goalies warming up. Bizarrely, Arsenal fans derive a disproportionate amount lot of pleasure simply from spotting their mates in another section of the ground.

As always, Sunderland brought an impressive, loyal and vocal support for an away fixture which the FA had helpfully scheduled for a 12 noon kick-off on Sunday.

The game got underway and Arsenal started impressively, stroking the ball around. Arsenal created early chances at will and deservedly took the lead after just 7 minutes when van Persie rocketed a free kick in off the underside of the cross bar.

Sunderland were still chasing shadows and Arsenal doubled the lead after 15 minutes when Phillipe Senderos managed to wrong-foot Craig Gordon. While the two early goals made for a decent atmosphere ('You're just a small town in Scotland'), I was starting to fear the worst for Roy Keane's Sunderland.

The onslaught continued and the unfortunate Diaby had another goal ruled out for offside. He had also netted just after the award of the free kick for the opening goal.

Thankfully, against the run of play, somehow Sunderland managed to conjure a goal out of nothing before half-time when Almunia (dodgy dyed hair) blocked a shot which fell nicely for Wallace who scored.

Urged on by the tremendous away support, unbelievably Sunderland equalised early in the second half when a powerful Jones header squirmed under Almunia's (dodgy keeper) body into the net.

Arsenal increased the tempo to regain the lead and maintain their lead at the top of the table. The Arsenal fans started to get restless. Toure nearly broke a post with a powerful drive from 30 yards. The young, pacy Theo Walcot came on as substitute and also struck the woodwork.

Unfortunately, just when I thought Sunderland might hang on for a point, Robin van Persie latched on to a Walcott cross with a quick finish to ensure justice was done.

Having just recovered from Noble's recent assault at West Ham, Alexander Hleb was caught by a late, late challenge which earned McShane a red card and prompted a rare spark of humour from the Arsenal fans ('just like your manager').

Attendance: 60,098

Pictures from a prawn sandwich munching, day tripper.

I'm confused.

Arsenal are playing like Chelsea.

Manchester City are playing like Brazil.

Manchester United are playing like Manchester City.

Chelsea are playing like Northwich Victoria.

Tottenham are playing like Wigan Athletic

Derby are playing like Watford.

Chelsea players are haranguing match officials like Manchester United.

Emmanuel Adebayor is playing with the swagger and arrogance of Thierry Henry.

In fact, I am so confused I am taking a day trip (and prawn sandwiches) to the Emirates Stadium next Sunday to watch Arsenal versus Sunderland.