Yesterday, Norma collided with another car in a SW London rat-run. The lady took Norma’s details. I mourned taking out a high excess (£250). We were both thankful no-one was hurt, then I flew to Newcastle and forgot all about it. This evening, I spent 45 minutes on the phone discussing the fact that nothing had happened The lady never called. The insurance company never called. Nothing actually happened. Nothing else was discussed. Why did this call take 45 minutes ? ...
Tagged by Tim Hall. In my first year at University, I had a lecturer who was male. When I returned for my second year, he was a woman. My first brush with the police was at 14 when I crossed Chester Road against police orders and a copper said ‘Think that’s funny, eh ? Would you still think it’s funny if I took you into that van and kicked your head in ?’ I have seen United win (1977), draw (1983) and lose (1995) in an FA Cup Final. The Hillsborough disaster saddened me but when The Independent posted photographs of people crushed against metal fences, gasping for breath, dying, I broke down and cried like a baby. Most of the people I care about now live in Australia. Slowly but surely, I am getting the message. I am the only person in my family not to have broken a limb. I have stood on the top of Ayers Rock. I joined a gym on 1 December 2007. Since then I have lost 1 stone q but I’m sure it will turn up somewhere.
I finally caved in and replaced a 15 year old Sony TV with a Panasonic 32″ LCD TV (TX32LXD700) for Christmas. Although the aging Sony still worked fine, it did cycle through Red/Green/Blue and took 5 minutes to fully warm up. Before taking the plunge, I read various reviews and looked at the televisions on my shortlist in shops. Most stores (understandably) use High Definition (HD) broadcasts or Blu-ray discs to show the digital technology at its best. Cartoons are another popular choice to demonstrate LCD TV’s displaying a very high quality picture. ...
Just placed a Christmas present under the tree. Had a sneaky look at the tag to see whether a shake, rattle and roll was necessary. I was very surprised and somewhat upset to read: ‘Happy Christmas to the best sister in the whole world (and quite a nice brother-in-law).’
January - Andy Murray reaches the quarter finals of the Australian Open but mysteriously withdraws citing a ‘bad hair day’. An inquiry is immediately launched into irregular gambling patterns preceding the match and his choice of shampoo. Manchester United triumph 7-4 in a thrilling FA cup-tie at Villa Park. February - England beat Switzerland 5-0 at Wembley in a friendly. Frank Lampard scores a goal that is not deflected. Fabio Capello is hailed as a footballing genius ...
…from Surrey Traffic Police. Unfortunately, my friends appear to have sent me a ‘Notice of Intended Prosecution’ instead of their customary Yuletide greetings card. I wrote and told them I had been a very good boy all year long. Well, a very good boy apart from my recent brush with their colleagues from the London branch. Assuming Surrey Traffic Police content themselves with another fixed penalty notice and 3 points, this is quite inconvenient for me as this takes my tally to 9 points so I will now have to drive like an old man wearing a trilby hat. This will last for a full seven months when my current points start to expire. ...
There are two words that are guaranteed to send Norman Junior and myself into fits of helpless laughter: ‘Giraffe’ - Rick’s wrong answer on ‘Trick or Treat’ to the question ‘What is the world’s tallest mammal ?’ ‘Horace’ - My spontaneous answer to my son’s question ‘What were you going to call me if it had not been Norman Junior ?’
A week savouring the joys of commuting to Waterloo on South West Trains. Oxford Street is packed, the Christmas lights are on, the temporary ice rinks are open and lots of people are enjoying Christmas parties. Inevitably romance, as well as alcohol, is in the air. I am fairly shy and reserved so I took the opportunity to place a couple of small ads in the wonderful London Paper and am eagerly awaiting a couple of calls and an early Christmas present next week. ...
After a detailed, comprehensive ‘root and branch’ inspection, the English FA have discovered that the organisation bears no resemblance to a national Football Association and is, in fact, a Christmas tree - a mid-range Norwegian pine (non-drop) to be precise. MS Explorer is listing badly. Passengers have been advised to disembark and board Mozilla Firefox instead. Croatia may have beaten England twice twice in the qualifying campaign but never mind. At least the marvellous Ing-er-land fans booed their national anthem to motivate their players and the singer improvised an amusing change to the verse. ...
Last night at approximately 18:12, I turned right onto the A4 (Great West Road) heading in an easterly direction towards Chiswick when I noticed a white police van behind me with flashing headlights and blue light spinning. The police van pulled out to overtake me, then suddenly pulled back into my lane and pulled up to a halt to assist a broken down vehicle which had hazard lights on and was stationary in the nearside lane. ...