Uk

three red rings of death

Last Friday, Norman Junior III emerged from his bedroom, looked mournfully at me and pronounced in a quiet voice: ‘Dad - I’ve got the three red rings of death.’

‘Just have an aspirin and sit down quietly for a bit. Your mum will be back soon.’

‘No Dad - not me. It’s my XBox. It has the dreaded three red rings of death and won’t boot.’

And so we embarked on a prolonged saga that involved a fruitless hunt for a two year old receipt that revealed plenty of interesting long lost items but not the actual receipt from Game.

from insurgent to suicide bomber

Spontaneously.

‘Do you think we used enough dynamite there, Butch ?’

a night at The Office

On Saturday night, BBC2 broadcast a retrospective on ‘The Office’ and broadcast all of Series 1 together with soundbites from the creators (Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant), the cast (Martin Freeman, Mackenzie Crook, Lucy Davis) and celebrity fans (Ben Stiller, Christopher Guest, Matthew Perry, David Baddiel, Richard Curtis).

My favourite episode of Series 1 is ‘Staff Training’ for all the normal reasons and for this rendition of ‘Free love on the free love freeway’ - I just love the harmonising from Gareth at 1:24 (‘She’s not dead’).

Virgin Media email outage

Virgin Media email has been down for 48 hours and counting…

I am not looking forward to explaining this (again) to Norma tonight. She seems to hold me personally responsible and keeps asking ‘What is wrong, why haven’t they got in touch, why is it taking so long to fix it and when is it going to be fixed ?’

This is a complete CRM disaster from Virgin Media. No meaningful updates in over 2 days.

poor man's Italian coffee shop

Most companies I viist have a (subsidised) coffee shop so I am used to waiting for my morning coffee and hearing a wide variety of exotic concoctions called out to the eager, caffeine starved workforce.

• ‘Large Mocha’
• ‘Tall, skinny Latte’
• ‘Overpriced Tea’
• ‘Decaf Americano’
• ‘Espresso with an extra shot’
• ‘Frothy Cappuccino with extra froth’
• ‘Pomegranate Peach Frappuccino’

But this morning, I was privileged to hear a new and exciting drink announced.

forbidden fruits

Friday

‘Can I touch them ?’

‘No. Not yet.’

‘Look - it’s been four months now. When can I touch them ?’

‘Not yet. I’ve already told you, I’m not ready’.

Sunday

‘Please can I touch them ?’

‘No - not yet. Just a couple more days. But you can help me, if you like.’

‘Oh what is it now ? The footy’s on in a minute.’

‘Listen. Forget about the god-damned football for just one minute. Put your pole in here now because I want to drape them all around your pole.’

why Rugby Union is a complete joke

I like most sports but I hate rugby union with a passion for the following reasons:

At (Grammar) school, I was forced to play rugby because it was somehow viewed as ‘character building’. On a cold, wet autumn day, a sports master took one look at me and grunted ‘You. Second row’. I then proceeded to grab the crotch of the boy in front of me while a boy behind me grabbed my crotch. I then had to insert my head between the thighs of two boys in front of me.

couple of HD channels for Virgin Media

Recently noticed a couple of additional HD channels now available on Virgin Media.

• C4 - not that much of a bonus.
• ESPN - will broadcast all the football matches previously screened by Setanta - in High Definition - at no extra cost. Superb.

Slightly irritating that Virgin Media can send me a fun packed newsletter (via email) but don’t have a blog or sensible way of communicating this useful information to me.

great balls of fire

Mum and Dad

Having cool time on Crete (geddit ?) with Bazzer, Nobby, TenBob, SickNote and the three ‘S’s.

Sun = wicked. Sea = wicked. Sex = wicked (geddit ?). Loadsa Brits out here. Able to get The Sun delivered. Happy hour - all day long (nudge, nudge).

Last night, I asked a bird if she fancied a ride on my very own ‘banana boat’.

She slapped me (just like being back at home :-) then she poured sambuca all over me balls.

History professors

‘You see - Thora Hird. I am aware of her work. You fancy her.’