Travel

nearly man

In August 2002, I visited Florida on holiday. In return for what seemed like 7 successive days at theme parks in sweltering weather, my family kindly allowed me a visit to the Kennedy Space Center which was a fantastic day out.

As luck would have it, a shuttle launch was actually scheduled during our stay so I planned to drive out to the highway to watch it. Unfortunately, the initial launch was postponed due to inclement weather conditions so I sporadically checked the TV and radio for the rearranged launch date and time.

don't mention the war

‘I am really sorry that we have 125 German tourists staying in the hotel.’

The waitress actually meant ‘Sorry for the delay but we have…’ but it still reminded me of Fawlty Towers and raised a smile

World Cup dispatches from embedded reporter

Psst. I have managed to beat the banning order and have now safely arrived in Stockholm (near Sweden). I evaded the hordes of police spotters at Heathrow by checking in immediately behind a screaming infant with a glum face (me not the baby). I also sported a linen jacket and a laptop to complete my cunning disguise.

I was proudly telling a group of German ladies from Munich (World Cup widows) of my escapades in the confines of the hotel lift. There was a lengthy pause and they all looked really interested (or perplexed) until a Deutsche Fraulein uttered:

inverse law of airports

The larger the airport, the longer it takes to drive there, check in, clear security, order a sandwich, find a seat in the lounge, secure a taxi.

In my limited experience, Heathrow Terminal 3 is pretty poor. Some small, anonymous airfield in Switzerland is the best. You pick up your own bags from the runway, walk to an empty terminal building and you even get to stamp your own passport.

in flight statistics

510 - duration in minutes of the (direct) flight from LHR to SEA

0 (zero) - number of times my immediate neighbour left his seat to stretch his legs, visit the lavatory or chat with his friend in 37B. Truly impressive.

6 - number of times my neighbour politely declined offers of drinks or sustenance from the cabin crew

1029 - number of times the person behind found it necessary to delve into the back seat pocket for his copy of ‘High Life’, the sick bag or the In Flight Shopping magazine

BA online check-in

British Airways are taking steps to move the queues from the conventional check-in desks on UK domestic flights to queues at the self-service kiosks and even lengthier queues at the ‘Fast Bag Drop’ desk which will be renamed ‘Bag Drop’ to comply with the Trades Description Act.

This is good news and it will be interesting to see the effects but please take care when printing your board pass.

Trading Places

Yesterday I was eating lunch in an office in Copenhagen. Bizarrely, one of the project team I was working with, was attending a training course in the UK and was simultaneously sitting down to eat at my normal place of work at TVP in Reading.

Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen

The city of Copenhagen (near Denmark) has a lot to commend it.

Unfortunately, the view from my hotel window is not one of them.

Probably the worst view in the world.

in flight humour

I enjoyed these quotes from airline staff with a sense of humour (via Tom Kyte).

A couple of years ago, I was on a British Airways flight that was making its final approach to some anonymous airport in Scandinavia.

Quite suddenly and without any warning, the landing was aborted. The plane stopped descending, quickly started to climb, levelled out and then resumed a familiar, circular holding pattern.

I was a little perturbed but no-one else seemed bothered as though this was perfectly normal so I stopped screaming, apologised to my immediate neighbours, dabbed the sweat from my brow with a napkin and picked up my copy of ‘High Life’.

flying visit

Last night, I flew to Stockholm airport. I stayed overnight in a hotel at the airport.

Today I went to a meeting in a conference centre at Stockholm airport. I talked, listened, answered a few questions and asked a few questions.

Then I flew home from Stockholm airport.

18 hours in Stockholm and I never left the airport complex. Weird.