Football

MUFC > England #2

In April 2002, I got off my barstool and actually went to see a Manchester United game. The fixture was at Upton Park and I was in the Bobby Moore stand as I was the guest of a West Ham member.

United won an very entertaining game 5-3 and Beckham scored a fantastic goal (lob from outside the box). All of this made it very hard to keep my mouth shut.

MUFC > England

I don’t agree with Alex Ferguson about everything (Stam, Beckham, RvN) but to make positive, bullish noises on Friday then quietly release the statement that Rooney’s injury ‘involves the joint’ was an absolute master stroke.

brown is the new black

Football Shirts Hall Of Shame. Top Left. Coventry City. A true classic.

MUFC announce Ruud's replacement

In response to Chelsea’s recent acquisition of Michael Ballack and continued pursuit of Schevchenko, Manchester United are widening the search for a world class striker to replace Ruud van Nistelrooy.

Damn. We so nearly got him.

Priceless

Oh no. The first pictures are starting to circulate.

Stop it. Stop it now. Please stop it.

if, buts and maybes

With apologies to Mr. Kipling (who does bake exceedingly good cakes) and Tele Savalas

‘If’ - a poem by Arsene Wenger of North London.

If UEFA had changed the rules of football for all games played on 17 May 2006 If the referee hadn’t been a Barcelona supporter If the idiotic, Norwegian linesman had been allowed to officiate and flag the first goal offside If Lehman had still been on the pitch, he would have saved both goals If D’Artagnan had been allowed to stay on the pitch If the Barca goalkeeper hadn’t tipped Lundberg’s shot over the bar If poor Thierry hadn’t been so tired, he would have definitely scored that goal

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bingo night

Oracle ‘A’ lister and Scottish football fan, Doug Burns, was celebrating last night as he hoisted the inaugural ‘Champions League Bingo’ trophy aloft in an Edinburgh pub.

Burns commented: ‘Obviously I am surprised and delighted to win this cup. I had never played before but the cliches just kept on coming. It was unbelievable. I was in a noisy pub and I had to ask the bar staff to pump up the volume and my friends to stop talking but it was worth it’.

Champions League bingo

To liven up tonights Champions League Final between Arsenal and Barcelona, score the following number of points for each and every mention of the following:

• 1 - The English clubs who have won the European Cup (MUFC, Liverpool, Nottingham Forest). Score double for Aston Villa.
• 2 - The Scottish club who have won the European Cup (Celtic).
• 2 - Patrick Viera.
• 3 - Sol Campbell’s ‘state of mind’.
• 4 - The fact that Barcelona have only lifted the trophy once.
• 4 - Thierry Henry’s future (‘Staying’). Score double for ‘Going’.
• 4 - Price of blackmarket tickets outside the stadium.
• 5 - Idiotic Norwegian linesman who donned a Barcelona shirt.
• 5 - Arsenal already qualified for Champions League thanks to ’that lasagne’.
• 5 - He’s only played twice this season (Ashley Cole).
• 10 - ‘EEENNN- RRREEE !!!!’. Score double if Martin Tyler actually reaches a climax.
• 20 - Pitchside analysis at half-time from Townsend/McCoist. Score double if fans manage to drown it out.
• 20 - Only he (Ronaldinho) could produce that.
• 25 - Sven Goran Eriksson will be pleased/shocked/worried/annoyed about that. Score double for ‘ashamed’.
• 1000 - Thierry Henry saying ‘I’m leaving’ in the post match interview.

World Cup prediction time

Rooney will (and should not) play no part whatsoever. He should not even travel.

Eriksson should play 4-5-1 with Owen upfront if fit. Otherwise Defoe.

Midfield of Gerrard, Lampard, Cole and Beckham with Carrick in the holding role.

Eriksson has absolutely nothing to lose. He is leaving so why should he give a hoot what the public/media think.

However, he will care and will play Crouch/Owen upfront with a lop-sided midfield and England will be lucky to get out of the group stages.

sports bars of Europe

People often ask me “Norman - when will you be updating your award-winning ‘Sport bars of Europe ‘meme’ ?”

No. 2 - The Irish Rover

• Stroget, Copenhagen

Satellite feed - RTE. Thankfully, we were spared Tyler’s orgasmic ‘ON

• REEE !’

Food feed - Irish Rover Burger (inevitably). Just like a standard burger in a English pub.

Smoke feed - Intense. Peaked around the time of the missed penalty.

Beer feed - Carls Special and Tuborg substituted at half-time for Leffe.