Posts from 2009

Andy Murrays hopes of lifting his first major were thwarted by defeat yesterday in the last 16 of the US Open to Croat, Marin Cilic.

I like Andy Murray. I don't think he's a dour individual. I think he's a very talented tennis player who is focused and determined. I admire the fact he coped with being sent to live in Spain at the age of 15 to improve his tennis.

Occasionally, I have even stalked him by scanning his Twitter stream. Yes, it's genuine.

I'm not a pathetic 'Little Englander' who hates Andy Murray simply because he once said 'anyone but England' on radio 5 during the 2006 World Cup. I thought it was a funny response during an amusing exchange of banter with the interviewer, fellow Scot Nicky Campbell, and his English friend, Tim Henman. Each and every one of my Scottish friends would have said precisely the same thing.

Since my own lad started playing junior tennis at a competitive level, my admiration for what Murray has already achieved (No.2 in the world) has increased ten fold. However, the real reason I believe Andy Murray will win a major tennis tournament in the not too distant future stems from an incident a couple of years ago.

I was watching my son play in a junior Surrey tennis competition held at the National Tennis Centre in Roehampton. I was walking around the 22 courts, admiring the excellent facilities and killing time before he played his first match.

I walked along a balcony overlooking four, immaculate indoor courts. Andy Murray was warming up with his coaching team. They were playing keepy-uppy with a tennis ball and generally messing around. As word got round the complex that Murray was present, a small crowd of aspiring young tennis players and their doting parents gathered to watch.

I was surprised at the sheer number of people in the Murray entourage. After ditching Brad Gilbert, Murray now employs Miles Maclagan (coach), Matt Little (strength and conditioning coach), Jez Green (physical conditioner) and Andy Ireland (physio).

Once the warmup was complete, the laughter stopped and Murray started doing serious tennis drills. He was rallying from the baseline with his coach. I watched in awe as he repeatedly and monotonously hit shots from the baseline low and hard over the net.

Each shot was powerful and landed just within the baseline or even on the line. I soon realised that that's why tennis players knock up (or 'hit') with fellow professionals. Most mortals or even decent club players would be incapable of taking part in this drill.

Murray continued his exercises. He didn't acknowledge the people watching. In fact, I'm pretty sure he wasn't even aware of our presence. He was solely focused on hitting that ball.

Another rally started. Murray continue to hit ball after ball low and hard over the net. Occasionally, he'd readjust his position to reach to a shorter or wider shot but he kept on returning the ball. Slowly but surely, the pace of the rally and the variety of shots increased. Now Murray was exerting himself but he kept on hitting balls back like a machine - low and hard, each shot just skimming over the net at great speed.

Finally, the rally came to an end when Murray netted a baseline shot. He shouted 'Oh - for fuck's sake. COME ON !'.

Some of the parents assembled on the balcony looked aghast and told Jocasta to shield her ears from such Scottish profanity and gently suggested it was time to get a drink while I just continued to watch on in admiration.

UEFAs decision to ban Arsenals Eduardo for two matches after diving in a Champions League qualifier creates a precedent, a very dangerous precedent. This may well result in revisionism, the rewriting of football history and airbrushing Ashley Cole out of the 2003 Shoot Soccer Annual.

I forecast the following events which will have unexpected and dire repercussions for the game:

• Mexico 1986. Maradona's infamous 'Hand of God' goal is ruled out and England win the World Cup. The finest football anthem ever, Baddiel and Skinner's 'Three Lions' never gets written; 'Ten years of hurt' just doesn't scan.
• The award of Wayne Rooney's penalty that halted Arsenal's unbeaten run is declared 'unsafe'. Arsenal's 'Invincibles' subsequently extend their unbeaten run by a further 20 matches. Fanzine writers universally rejoice at 'The Immortal 69'ers'.
• Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool mount a joint appeal against Cristiano Ronaldo. UEFA reduce his tally of 84 goals in 196 Premiership appearances to just 3 goals in 27 starts for 'simulation, posturing and ball hogging.' UEFA conduct a detailed simulation of their own using Championship Manager on networked PS3's. United are relegated and jostle for top spot with Leeds in Division One
• Richard Dunne of Manchester City receives a lifetime ban for attempting to 'deceive a referee' by impersonating a Premiership footballer. Questions are also raised in betting circles at his general ineptitude yet contrasting displays of brilliant, solid defending in every single Manchester derby.
• Gerard Houlier is sectioned under the mental Health Act before he utters the immortal words 'Ten games from greatness'. He watches 'Pink Panther' incessantly and practises violent martial arts with William Gallas every Thursday. Later appears in a cameo in 'Kill Bill Vol. 2'. Currently in rehab and guesting on 'Soccer Saturday' alongside Phil Thompson.

On Saturday night, BBC2 broadcast a retrospective on The Office and broadcast all of Series 1 together with soundbites from the creators (Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant), the cast (Martin Freeman, Mackenzie Crook, Lucy Davis) and celebrity fans (Ben Stiller, Christopher Guest, Matthew Perry, David Baddiel, Richard Curtis).

My favourite episode of Series 1 is 'Staff Training' for all the normal reasons and for this rendition of 'Free love on the free love freeway' - I just love the harmonising from Gareth at 1:24 ('She's not dead').

Virgin Media email has been down for 48 hours and counting...

I am not looking forward to explaining this (again) to Norma tonight. She seems to hold me personally responsible and keeps asking 'What is wrong, why haven't they got in touch, why is it taking so long to fix it and when is it going to be fixed ?'

This is a complete CRM disaster from Virgin Media. No meaningful updates in over 2 days.

Can you imagine the fuss in the blogosphere if Gmail was down for just a couple of hours ?

Obvious really. The FA and the police should have seen the disorder at last nights Carling Cup tie between West Ham and Millwall coming.

Nothing to do with East End rivalry. Nothing to do with Millwall's notorious hooligan element.

The problems were started by lengthy queues at all cashpoints in the vicinity of Upton Park before kick-off. None of these professional Cockernees could decipher the rhyming slang.

Most of the Australians I met on my recent holiday were brilliant people; friendly, welcoming, great company and most possessed a very British style sense of humour.

However, there was one element of my Australian experience that was slightly irritating; the tendency for people to ask questions. For example, if you ever purchased goods in a shop using a card, you were immediately greeted with 'Credit or savings ?'

Another fine example was the following exchange one early morning at Brisbane airport where I attempted the seemingly simply task of purchasing four hot drinks as we waited for a short flight to Hamilton Island.

'Good morning - Aaaahhh yaaah gaawwnn ?'

'Good morning. Well, we're going to Hamilton Island for three days. It should be fantastic.'

'Naah - I said 'How are you going ?'

'We're flying - how do you think we're getting there - kayaking ? Plus, we're in an airport. That's a rather obvious clue.'

'No worries. What can I git yer ?'

'A tea, a coffee and two hot chocolates, please.'

'What sort of tea ?

'Err - what have you got ?'

'Green Tea, Liptons Tea, Earl Grey, Camomile Tea, English Breakfast, Iced Tea, Ass...'

'English Breakfast would be great. Thanks.'

'What size tea ?'

What sizes are there ?

'Small, regular, large.'

'OK - small please. Thanks.'

'What else did you want ?'

A coffee and two hot chocolates, please.'

'What sort of coffee ?'

'What have you got ?'

'Flat white, latte, mocha, frapp...'

'Oh Latte, please.'

'What size latte ?'

'Small, please.'

'What else did you say again ?'

'Just two hot chocolates please, Two small hot chocolates, please. That's all thanks.'

'Do you want sprinkles ?'

Now this question threw me a little. I looked back towards where the family were sitting at Gate 3. I saw much tapping of fingers, much looking at watches and much feigning of dying of thirst.

Inevitably, Norma was busy doing what she does best whenever she is located in an airport - busy reviewing the shopping facilities ready to conquer the world with her very own, embryonic 'Worldwide airport shopping and duty free outlets' blog.

Worse, one of the people who had requested a hot chocolate was also doing what she does best whenever she is located in an airport terminal - busy reviewing the toilet facilities ready to conquer the world with her very own 'People who have visited the toilets at Brisbane airport (domestic terminal just outside gate 7)' group on Facebook.

Now I had to think quickly, very quickly. People behind me were sighing and saying 'Ah, mate, just get a bloody move on , will ya ?' in a very un-British way.

I gestured frantically to Norman Junior III, sprinkling fictitious sprinkles over a fictitious hot chocolate drink and raising my thumb up, smiling then turning my thumb down, frowning.

He looked rather quizzically and mouthed 'She's in the shop'. I re-doubled my efforts and repeated my sprinkling gestures.

He looked rather quizzically and mouthed 'She's in the toilet.'

I gave up my charades, ignored the laughter behind me and turned back to the assistant.

'Yes please. Sprinkles on both.'

'Marshmallows ?'

'Sorry ?'

'Marshmallows ? Do you want marshmallows on the hot chocolates ?'

By now, I was feeling I was the victim of some cruel joke and an Aussie version of Jeremy Beadle was going to jump out clutching a microphone. Either that or I was taking part in the Two Ronnies' legendary 'Fork Candles' sketch.

This endless interrogation was getting ridiculous but I resumed my mime act and frantically tried to get a response from Norman Junior III.

I decided to re-enact the famous scene from Ghostbusters where Marshmallow man strides all over the New York skyscrapers but he just looked quizzically and mouthed 'Can I have a muffin ?'

'Yes please. Marshmallows on both hot chocolates.'

'Is that all, mate ?'

'Yes.'

'Would you like me to go over your order ?'

'Well, no - I'd rather you got on and dispensed the drinks as my flight will be boarding soon' but I contented myself with 'Yes, please.'

'So, you want small latte, small English Breakfast, two small hot chocolates with sprinkles and marshmallows ?'

'Yes, yes - that's correct. Thanks.'

'Can I get anything else for you today ?'

'No thanks. That's all.'

'And how are you going to be paying today ?'

I briefly about offering plastic but quickly find $20 to avoid the inevitable 'Cheque or savings' interrogation.

Finally, the torture is over. I wait in the line for five minutes and the drinks are finally served. I grab the drinks and am looking around for a plastic stirrer.

'Are you the guy who asked for 'Small' ?'

'Err, yes.'

'Didn't you realise we don't do 'Small' any more - since July 25th, in fact ?'

'Err, no - I just ordered four hot drinks.'

'Yeah, well Eileen should have told ya. It's Regular or Large now. Only. No Small any more.'

By now, I'd had enough. I decided to turn the tables.

'Have you got a tray, please ?'

'Listen, I've given you four Regulars but I've only charged you for four Smalls.'

'Oh - that really is most kind. How can I ever thank you enough ?'

'Full sized tray or cardboard holder ?'

Most companies I viist have a (subsidised) coffee shop so I am used to waiting for my morning coffee and hearing a wide variety of exotic concoctions called out to the eager, caffeine starved workforce.

• 'Large Mocha'
• 'Tall, skinny Latte'
• 'Overpriced Tea'
• 'Decaf Americano'
• 'Espresso with an extra shot'
• 'Frothy Cappuccino with extra froth'
• 'Pomegranate Peach Frappuccino'

But this morning, I was privileged to hear a new and exciting drink announced.

'Grandee Hot Water'

Anyone suffering from the desire to communicate what they are doing or thinking every minute of the day in fewer than 140 characters is best described as a twat.

Janet Street Porter calling me a 'twat'. Possibly my proudest moment.

I prefer to define µblogging as 'an infinite byte stream of inane drivel' but I also enjoyed Stephen Fry's post on the same subject:

'40% of Twitter is “pointless babble”, which means of course that a full 60% of Twitter discourse is NOT pointless babble, which is disappointing.'

I have followed the development of Google Reader since it was launched in 2005.

Having used Thunderbird and then NetVibes, I have used Google Reader for the last two years to read blogs. The main reason I like Reader are the UI, the keyboard shortcuts for quick navigation and the fact I can also use it on mobile devices and multiple computers.

During that period, I have sporadically marked articles that interest, amuse or shock me on my 'Shared Items' feed and Google recently added improved support for the sharing of 'Shared Items'.

I normally try to use 'Share With Note' and annotate the entry as to why I found it noteworthy and I also mark items with a 'Star' as a private bookmark; normally as 'To read later' or 'Possible input for blog'.

Google have recently improved the sharing of 'Shared Items'. Happily for Google, the timing of these new these features just happened to coincide with FriendFeed's acquisition by FaceBook which prompted much fear, uncertainty and doubt amongst the FriendFeed community, some of whom are looking for viable alternatives if FriendFeed development comes to a halt (or worse, the service closes).

Louis Gray and Rob Diana have both adopted Google Reader which has helped to spark interest in the service and Google is already making additional tweaks and improvements in response to user feedback.

Personally, I have started to develop (yet another) network of people sharing content of interest and already I can see a change in the way I consume content in Google Reader. Firstly, I scan the 'Shared Items' of my group and I tend to find that, by the time, I get to my conventional list of feeds, most of the articles of interest have already been brought to my attention earlier by the 'Shared Items'.

However, there is a problem with de-duplicated posts and even with 50 'Friends' managing the signal to noise ratio promises to be an issue. The social features are relatively new and there are a few rough edges in Google Reader (people keep getting dropped from 'Groups, people can't comment on an article without being a member of a group) but for me, Google Reader has the potential to supplant FriendFeed as it focuses on the content (news, blogs etc) that interests me (rather than LOLcat pictures).

I also believe annotated shared items are much more valuable and than a plain, old, tired, outdated blogroll.

Here's my feed of 'Shared Items'. If you use Google Reader, it would great if you could share your 'Shared Items' feed in the comments below as I would be genuinely interested in seeing what you're currently reading and enjoying.

I miss seeing Cockneys trying to get a taxi in Moss Side.

Noel on Maine Road and the good old days.