Posts from August 04, 2009

You see - Thora Hird. I am aware of her work. You fancy her.

I passed through many customs, immigration and security checks at various Australian airports in the last three weeks.

Each airport has its own variant on a dire warning that reads:

'Flippant, amusing or sarcastic remarks will not be tolerated. Offenders may be subject to a $500,000 fine and/or 10 years in jail'.

Of course, we didn't tell Norman Junior III that. My - how we all laughed when he followed our advice and proudly (and loudly) announced to the customs official at Brisbane airport.

'I have nothing to declare but my genius.'

After I finally got over the shock of Michael Jackson (I suspect Mr. Pharmacist with the white pills and syringe in the study) and being genuinely saddened at the recent death of Sir Bobby Robson, Im not sure I can take any more.

Just heard some really crap news. Benson, the world's largest living carp, is no longer living.

Benson, who loved disco dancing, weighed 64 lbs and was between 20 and 25 years old (apparently, Benson lied about his age a lot - similar to Jane Fonda) has died.

The cause of death is unknown at this time but Michael Jackson's doctor has not been eliminated from police inquiries. Benson had been caught 63 times which he used to carp about endlessly to local fishermen.

It is possible that one angry angler threw some unsalted Nobby's Nuts into the lake which may have been responsible for Benson's demise as he had a nut allergy and preferred spicy 'Chilli Heatwave' Doritos.

Im not a big fan of zoos but in Brisbane, we visited Australia Zoo as it had beenrecommended by a few people. Also, we were keen to see some native Australian wildlife during our stay.

I also assumed that Steve Irwin would ensure that the animals were kept in a natural and humane environment. We all enjoyed the day out. We saw crocodiles snapping at a white bucket, the kids fed pellets to kangaroos and wallabies and we cuddled sleepy koalas. We also saw dingos, echidnas, possums, macaws, snakes, wombats, turtles, tigers and the world famous Australian elephant (shurely shome mistake here - Ed).

However, although all the animals looked healthy with large, open pens and appeared to be deliriously happy, I was left with a slight feeling of unease about my experience at Australia Zoo. The image of Steve Irwin aka 'Crocodile Hunter', who took over management of the zoo from a small wildlife park created by his father, was plastered everywhere. Irwin died in 2006 after being attacked by a stingray while filming on the Great Barrier Reef.

Now, obviously, the Irwin family own the zoo and are perfectly entitled to use the image of Steve Irwin as much as they like and I have no doubt that every single picture of Irwin's smiling face together with his catch phrase of 'CRIKEY' has been approved by his widow, Terri and probably existed prior to Irwin's death.

However, I find it a little unsettling that Terri Irwin is also now using her two children, Bindi and Robert (Bobby), whose faces also appear in videos, posters, billboard adverts and promotions liberally scattered around the zoo.

Since I started this blog almost four years ago, I have posted every month. Until last month - July 2009.

To accentuate the radio silence effect, this blog was also completely offline for the latter two weeks of July 2009 (PHP/FastCGI configuration problem at Bluehost).

Just got back from three weeks in Australia visiting family and friends.

• Countries: 3 (England, Singapore, Australia)
• Cities: 7 (Singapore, Brisbane, Hamilton Island, Perth, Broome, Kununurra, Darwin)
• Red rock formations: Too many to mention
• Best airport: Singapore - free gadget recharging points and Internet access
• Worst airport: LHR T4 - building site, long queues, surly staff
• Wildlife: Kangaroos, wallabies, crocodiles, spiders and, err, terrifying budgerigars
• States: 3 (QLD, WA, NT)
• Flights: 11
• Airlines: 2 (Quantas, JetStar)
• Miles: 26,341
• Music: 'These wooden ideas' - Idlewild
• Newspapers: Zero

Last year, I found an ancient 56Kb dialup modem lurking in a cupboard. I fondly remembered the days of dangling the extension cable diagonally across the bedroom floor (which often tripped unsuspecting visitors up) and mentally replayed the connection tone.

And now Virgin Media announce 50Mb for £28.

Exclusive - the Manchester City 2009-2010 Premiership winning lineup in full.

• Goalkeeper - Given
• Defence - Dunne, Richards
• Midfield - Barry, Ireland
• Attack - Tevez, Robinho, Adebayor, Santa Cruz, Wright-Phillips, Bellamy

Anyone spot the deliberate mistake ?