Posts from 2008

Saddened to read that Miles Kington died recently at just 66.

I used to really enjoy Kington's columns in The Independent. There aren't many writers capable of making laugh out loud. Kington was one of them.

Another of my favourite journalists is Giles Smith of The Times. Last week, he wrote a brilliant article about the appointment of Dennis Wise as 'Executive Director (football)'.

Similarly, Smith's piece in today's edition is about the proposed changes to the Premiership:

'606? I'm a City fan coming home from Nairobi and I tell you, we wuz robbed...'

Every club knows they will have an equal chance of being treated unfairly.

Quote from Richard Scudamore (Chief Executive Premier League)

The proposal is for an additional competitive Premier League fixture to be played around the world. Although the top 5 clubs will be seeded, this still allows for the possibility of United drawing Derby at home (in Beijing) while Arsenal visit Liverpool (in Los Angeles).

Last night, I took Norman Junior III to visit the new, improved Wembley stadium last night to see England play Switzerland in a friendly.

After paying homage to Sherlock Holmes, we changed at a packed Baker Street for the fast Metropolitan line to Wembley Park. We stood on the platform as one train departed and I was just contemplating whether we should 'go for it' when the next train arrived or step aside and wait for the next one.

A well dressed lady was complaining to a London Transport official: 'Listen - I've been here for 25 minutes and I just can't get on any train.' 'Well I'm awfully sorry madam but we currently have 90,000 football fans going to Wembley.' 'I can see that but I do need to get home. It's an absolute disgrace. What about all the ordinary people ?'

Thankfully, my dithering indecision was abruptly removed by the late arrival of some shaven headed Ing-er-land fans who charged up the steps, ran towards the closing doors and whisked us both up and onto the underground train into a packed carriage. Well, to be fair it was positively spacious compared with the Waterloo & City line on a weekday morning.

Three Swiss lads were then subjected to a deep probing English inquisition from curious Ing-er-land fans.

'Hey mate, what language do you speak then ?' 'In Switzerland, we speak Swiss-German.'

'Hey mate, what's the capital of Switzerland then ?' 'Zurich'

A brief lull and respite for the Swiss visitors before a final burst of alcohol fuelled inspiration:

'Hey mate, can you sort a bank account out for me ?'

Cue uproarious laughter all round - well from those passengers who were able to move their rib cages.

Walked down Wembley Way watching day trippers taking photos and entered the stadium. Wondered what qualifications are needed to be an 'Escalator Steward' and took our seats high up in the South stand with an excellent view.

Much to my surprise, the minute's silence for Munich was observed by the vast majority of supporters.

England appeared in yet another away kit (available from all good sports outfitters in March). The decision to play in the away strip for a home fixture was puzzling but it transpired that Capello ordered this after hearing that Ashley Cole 'preferred playing away'.

At least, we were both cheering a team in Red with Rooney, Ferdinand and Brown (or rather Wes Orange). The game got underway, Brown endured a nightmare opening 45 minutes and Matthew Upson is undoubtedly the most one-footed player ever to don an England shirt.

Switzerland were neat and tidy and comfortable on the ball without really threatening the goal.

England were playing 4-1-4-1 and looked nervous. For the first 40 minutes I don't think I have seen so many sideways and backwards passes since Ray Wilkins played for United.

While I didn't hear any booing, there was the occasional Beckham chant and increasing unrest in the unpadded seats as half-time approached.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, something happened - Joe Cole remembered he was an attacker, took a defender on and Jermaine Jenas gratefully scored the first goal under Fabio Capello's regime.

After an overpriced drink, we were staggered to head the announcer proclaim 'Please welcome the teams back for the second half - Here they are, protecting their 1-0 lead - England !' The Italian influence already seems to be pervasive.

The second half improved markedly until the Swiss had the temerity to score with a well taken goal. The Swiss contingent rang their cow-bells and chanted 'La Suisse'. Ing-er-land fans responded with 'We know you speak Swiss-German and Zurich is your capital city.'

The hard working England captain, Stevie Gerrrraaaarrrrd, got to the dead ball line and crossed for substitute Sean Wright-Phillips for another tap-in.

Peter Crouch came on, Cashley Cole went off to a solitary shout of 'Where's your Cheryl gone ?' and Wayne Rooney dropped a little deeper. In fact, he was so deep he was playing at left back, conceding corners and passing balls down the line to Wayne Bridge.

England continued to press for another goal and an otherwise impressive David James made his inevitable token error, flapping at a high cross.

Die hard, loyal fans who apparently are 'Ing-er-land till I die' decided to avoid the queues at Wembley Park and streamed out of the stadium. When the full-time whistle blew, the stadium was half-full. Part time supporters.

The game ended 2-1 for England. The remaining Ing-er-land fans were happy and we started the long journey home via Wembley Central herded together like cattle on the station approach with a £6 program for company.

Adding support for OpenID to Wordpress using this plugin is quick and straightforward.

Similarly, the latest version of Drupal includes a core module providing full support for OpenID integration.

So, if you have an OpenID, you can now use it to comment on this blog.

Since accumulating 9 penalty points, Norma has been very worried about the possible consequences of my irresponsible actions and dangerous driving. A driving ban would have severe, wide reaching consequences for my glamorous job in IT consultancy, affect our busy social life not to mention the logistics of ferrying the kids to all their hobbies.

After lodging an appeal with Surrey Traffic Police, I gleefully accepted a place on a half-day 'Speed Awareness Workshop'. Attendance at the workshop cost £95 but was in lieu of the proposed 3 point penalty so was well worth the money. Plus the instructor was an attractive lady. After registration, coffee and friendly introductions, we all swapped amusing anecdotes of our various speeding offences, recounted hard luck stories and were tested on stopping distances in the rain.

After lunch (lovely sandwiches and volavons), we all looked at some horrific photographs of mangled car wreckage, listened to victims of car accidents and, worse of all, watched the instructor viciously smash a peach on the table with a claw hammer.

As I wiped peach juice off my face, I cunningly positioned myself next to the instructor for the grand finale which was an evangelical type experience where we all hugged each other and proclaimed in a single, united and very loud voice: 'In the name of the Father, the Son and Surrey Traffic Police we hereby pledge, that we will never exceed the speed limit ever again'.

The only problem was that the roads were really empty on my route back home and the weather conditions were dry with excellent visibility. I was a little late for my evening meal (Chicken Kiev on Tuesday night), Manchester United were playing live on TV and so I promptly picked up another £60 fine and the very 3 penalty points, I had spent the afternoon avoiding.

Norma was not pleased. Since then, I have been accompanied on every single trip by a new backseat driver. A voice from the passenger seat who keeps piping up:

'Speed camera, 500 yards. Limit - 40 miles per hour'

'Yes, yes OK, I know this road and I am doing 42 mph and they never do you for that.'

'Speed camera. Limit - 40 miles per hour. Reduce speed.'

'All right. All right. Just shut up will you ? I am down to 39.5 mph now.'

When the danger has passed, the backseat driver gives a distinctive 3 toned whistle and is silent until she spots the next possible hazard. Once again, my irritating back seat driver pipes up in that dull, monotone voice

'Possible mobile camera site ahead. Limit - 50 miles per hour.'

We all frantically scan the landscape for police hiding in the bushes wielding a hand held radar gun and wait for the triumphant 3 tone whistle that means 'OK - put your foot down.'

Sometimes I am sorely tempted to go for a crafty drive on my own without my back seat driver in attendance.

Sometimes, I am tempted to ask the back seat driver to shut up and just let me drive.

Sometimes, I am tempted to silence the back seat driver by cutting her communication cord.

Sometimes, I am tempted to grab the back seat driver by the neck and shove her back in the glove box.

But I can't because the back seat driver is my friend.

Blue Balloon You saw me standing alone All those balloons in front of Joe Hart Without a red balloon of my own Blue Balloon You know just what I was there for You heard Michael Ball saying a prayer for A FA Cup medal he really could care for And then a ball suddenly appeared before me The only one my feet will miss I heard somebody scream please puncture me But when I looked to the ref it was in the goal

• Joomla! 1.5 has been released and installed over here.
• Drupal 6 hasnt been released but that didnt stop me upgrading this blog to 6 RC2.
• I never thought I would say this but I think I am starting to get Twitter. Blame Tim Hall.
• FTP - Siebel had an FTP site for exchanging files with customers. Oracle has an FTP site for exchanging files with customers. Unsurprisingly, Oracle are standardising on the latter. I simply can't believe how much time I have ~~wasted~~ spent helping intelligent people crossing this chasm.
• The Europa Hotel in Belfast was the 'most bombed hotel in Europe.'

Last Thursday, 152 people (16 crew and 136 passengers), in addition to a significant number of people living in Hounslow, narrowly escaped death when a British Airways flight from Beijing (BA038) was forced into an emergency landing at Heathrow airport.

Several things struck me about this incident and the aftermath:

• After a phone call to update me on all the domestic news and gossip, my wife somehow negated to impart this tidbit of useful and relevant information. I hung up and turned on the TV news to be staggered by images of the wrecked fuselage of a British Airways jumbo jet lying of the fringes of the runway, 15 miles from my house, surrounded by foam, slides deployed with 18 fire appliances surrounding the scene.
• As I was flying from Belfast into Heathrow the following day, I consulted the BMI website which curiously maintained flights would be subject to delays and cancellation following, in a slight understatement, the 'incident at Heathrow'. Funnily, enough, the AAIB agrees with me and defines an accident as 'an occurrence during the period of operation of an aircraft where the aircraft incurs damage'.
• A man from Oxford who walked away with his life would have quite liked British Airways to provide him with a cup of tea followed by some counselling.
• Another couple thought they had just had 'a bumpy landing' and therefore didn't require any tea and biscuits. In fact, these Aussie backpackers were just delighted to get their baggage back without queuing at the carousel and to receive a complimentary return ticket for the Heathrow Express.
• A surreal moment boarding the flight at Belfast, picking up a newspaper with the stricken 777 plastered all over the front page.
• British Airways' decision to parade the pilot, co-pilot and Julie, your cabin service director, before the world's press. The BA crew all looked shell-shocked and distinctly uncomfortable. Mind you, so would I, if I was slowly starting to assimilate the events and trying to recover from a near death experience (without a cup of tea). This implied to me that BA were either very keen to get the media off their backs and leave them alone and/or BA are already absolutely certain of the circumstances of the accident and knew for a fact, pilot error was not a possible contributory factor.

Finally, I must confess that I know absolutely nothing about airplanes, fly by wire or wind shear. I am also totally ignorant of the size of the pigeon population of South West London and possible deficiencies in the quality of Chinese aircraft fuel.

However, if the AAIB investigation subsequently discovers, in the coming months, that the co-pilot had successfully brought a 100 ton aircraft into a crash landing, having lost power to both engines, and miraculously managed to clear the perimeter fence by 10 feet, I will be truly amazed at the skill of the pilots.

If the investigation shows that, following a catastrophic, non-reproducible computer error, the co-pilot somehow had the foresight to raise the flaps to somehow bring the aircraft down on the grass to stop it within 300 feet instead of landing on the concrete runway where it surely would have exploded with complete loss of life, wouldn't that be the most staggering and heroic feat ever ?

Siebel customers (and employees alike) all over the world are busy enjoying Metalink3 which has recently replaced SupportWeb.

Everyone (well me, mainly) is taking great delight in taunting Oracle DBA types with incredulous cries of 'Sorry - did you say you're still on legacy Metalink2 ?'

A number of readers, impressed with this bleeding edge technology and dying for more, have emailed me asking why this humble Siebel blog hasn't yet been updated to Drupal 6.0 RC2.

Consequently, I downloaded the distribution for Drupal 6 Release Candidate #2 and, unusually for me, I even took the time to read 'UPGRADE.txt'. I followed the instructions therein and took the site offline so any visitors receive a configurable, professional looking message: 'This site is being upgraded to bleeding edge CMS technology. Please spread the news and don't forget to taunt any Oracle DBA's.'

After that completely unnecessary configuration change (I have no visitors), I was then unable to login to initiate the upgrade. Sigh. Thankfully, I discovered this article from another early adopter which enabled me to regain control of my original site.

I attempted the upgrade from Drupal 5.3 which failed to modify the database schema and produced a worrying number of SQL errors.

Not to be defeated, I read this helpful article which implied the Drupal 5.x system should be running the latest stable release (5.6) which seemed eminently sensible advice.

I quickly upgraded from Drupal 5.3 to 5.6. Only I couldn't because my site was now inaccessible after the partial, incomplete upgrade so I had to hold my breath while I restored from yesterday's MySQL database backup which worked perfectly.

Then I upgraded Drupal from 5.3 to 5.6, having naively convinced myself this would fix the problem, and duly repeated the upgrade process to 6.0 RC2 which promptly failed with the same dire, database related, results.

Still, this is a beta release after all and sure enough (as always), some other poor soul has already been there and done that.

No fix yet. Roll on RC3.

It is just over six months since I first placed banner ads on this blog and, much to my surprise, the accumulated income has just reached $100 (which triggers the first payment from Google).

As the introduction of Adsense was purely an exercise to learn how the system works and experiment with different placements and formats, I have decided to donate all proceeds to a worthy charity.