Posts from September 04, 2007

When my daughter went to secondary school, like every other dutiful parent, we religiously completed all the necessary forms and paperwork.

As part of this, I must have divulged my mobile phone number. Now this must have been intended for emergency use only because I don't divulge my mobile number (07723 431768) lightly.

So, imagine my surprise when I received the following text message yesterday:

'This is Hogwarts Girls' School. This is a reminder that Autumn Term starts on Wednesday 5th September at 8:40am. Hope you had a good summer. Thank you.'

I was gratified to see the correct positioning of the apostrophe and replied:

'Many thanks for your recent text message. I was so busy enjoying my summer holidays that I had completely forgotten the fact I attended school so your reminder was very timely. I am sure my mum probably would have reminded me at some point because she is so annoying like that. Rest assured I have purchased a brand new compass and protractor set for the challenges in the coming year. However, thus far, I have resisted my mum's overtures to buy a new skirt that conforms to the new 'Length Guidelines' published in May 2007.

CU L8TR M8. Norma-Jean Brightside (aged 14 3/4)'.

I travel quite a lot. I usually stay in decent hotels. I am fairly easy to please. All I really need on my short visits is a clean bed and a shower.

However, most of the hotels in Rotterdam (including the one I stayed in last week where I could stroll down to the client offices - my idea of nirvana) are fully booked for reasons that are unclear.

I have a feeling that there may be a major tulip festival taking place. Either that or it is because (for reasons outside my control) I am being forced to book at 24 hours notice.

In any event, after hours of hunting for a hotel room without success, I asked the client for assistance and am pleased to announce that I now have a confirmed booking for three nights at the Grand Hotel Central in central Rotterdam.

Then I just happened to read some reviews on this establishment and I am really starting to wish I hadn't.

Steve has an admirable habit of titling (almost) all of his posts with a line from a song.

Just went to the post office. I was in luck. Just one lady, with a baby in a pushchair, posting a small parcel. Or so I thought.

'First class, please'

'That's £2.57 please'.

'Oh - hang on. Do you think I should send this recorded ?'

[ She didn't ask what benefits recorded delivery offered versus registered or plain first class. Even more odd was the postmaster's reply ]

'Yes. I think you should.'

[ without asking about the contents of the parcel or outlining what recorded delivery offers ]

'Yes. That will be £3.74 for recorded'

Delay as he prints out the necessary orange labels

Delay as the lady takes an eon to complete the necessary labels.

Delay as the lady dutifully sticks the labels on the small parcel.

Delay as the lady coos to the baby 'There - that's all our jobs done. Isn't that good ? All our jobs are done. Haven't we both done well ?' Well, yours might be but I am still waiting.

Further delay as the lady unbelievably plucks out a debit card to pay the massive sum of £3.74.

Coincidentally, I am posting two parcels abroad but resist the temptation to ask

'Hmm. Do you think I should send these recorded ?'

After all my jobs are complete (didn't I do well) in the Post Office, I need some cash as I was perilously close to annoying the eight people behind me in the queue by paying by debit card for a transaction totalling £7.68.

And so to the cashpoint. Again, I am in luck. Just one gentleman ahead of me. Or so I thought.

He completes his transaction, withdraws his card so I make my advance. I nearly bump into him as he submits his card again for another transaction. He must be checking his balance.

Again, he finally completes this transaction and I nearly walk into him as he pauses and initiates a third (well three that I have witnessed) transaction.

Finally, after what seems an eternity he turns and walks away. I catch his eye because I am wondering whether the machine has run out of cash but no. Unbelievably, he mutters

'Nope. Doesn't want to give me any cash today. I'll have to try again later.'

5 seconds later, I have successfully withdrawn £100 so the gentleman was either overdrawn and polling every 30 seconds to see whether additional funds might have miraculously cleared or he was a complete idiot.