Posts from March 28, 2006

The courteous, cheerful, courtesy bus driver from the car park to Terminal 1 at London Heathrow Airport greeted me with: Got your mobile phone safe, Sir ?. Unfortunately, I was a little taken aback by this opening gambit and simply replied Oh yes. I do. Thank you.

Two minutes later, a better retort struck me 'Yes. I left my flight tickets back in the office. I forgot to print the address of the hotel and my photographic means of identification is back at home but, yes, please rest assured my toy phone with its irritating ring tone is safely here in my pocket.'

It is dull, grey, wet and somewhat blustery in London and when I get to the 'Fast Bag Drop' desk, I am informed that my flight to Newcastle has been cancelled and I am unable to drop my bags here at any speed.

Instead, I am redirected to the BA ticket sales desk to (hopefully) get booked onto a later flight. When I reach the head of a very orderly, polite, silent, British queue, I am cheerfully greeted with 'Do you know what is going on, Sir ?' which is a very deep, meaningful, thought provoking and unexpected question.

Infuriatingly, I missed another gilt edged chance for a witty response and just said 'It is raining and windy so I heard a few flights have been cancelled so I need to book onto a later flight to Newcastle'.

15 seconds later, I realised the optimal reply should have been 'Nope. I haven't got the foggiest clue what is going on. The realisation is slowly dawning on me that my manager, colleagues, friends (and my wife) have indeed been correct all these years. I simply do not have a clue. However, please, rest assured, that I do have my mobile phone safe and sound.'

But before I could spit the words out, the BA gentleman told me exactly what was going on. 'Well, Sir. That is only partly correct. ATC (that is - Air Traffic Control) have limited the number of inbound and outbound flights to the airfield (I'm positive he called one of the busiest airports in Europe an 'airfield') due to inclement weather conditions. Consequently there are many cancellations and even the flights that are getting away are still subject to lengthy delays'.

And, in a very British way, I thanked him for these glad tidings.

Student, indie, garage band who obviously love Blur and Half Man, Half Biscuit (but sadly lacking the humour) and then, one day, after missing a Physics lecture, the drummer comes in with a Macc Lads tape.

No wonder they gave CD's away free at their early gigs. I should have known better - always give a wide berth to any band who have ever been described in glowing terms by NME.

I think the pronounced East Yorkshire accent ('Oop') and Sheffield references ('Hunters Bar') finally did it for me.

A complete waste of money. Music to fall asleep (or drop out of second year at Metropolitan University) to. Only slightly better (and less embarrassing) than James Blunt and David Gray.

InterWeb.

I think I first heard the term used, while working for a small Internet company, by an Aussie. I cant recall whether we were laughing at him or he was laughing at us.

Anyway, I now use 'InterWeb' at dinner parties, hotels and even in the work environment. People used to stare quizzically but, sadly, no longer. The term is now in common usage which somehow just makes it all the more amusing.